Friday, March 20, 2009

Starting the Celibacy Experiment

I have decided to start an experiment to see how long I can remain celibate!

To begin with, it is not as if I have women falling all over me every night. In fact, I have not been intimate with a woman for a long time. So, what is the need for the celibacy experiment?

Well, I am currently going through a period of being single, alone and free. It is a very liberating experience. I am enjoying the feeling of peace and contentment for most of my waking hours. But occasionally, feelings of desire and need for a woman's company sneak in. A part of my mind immediately seizes upon that feeling and starts running with it like a hungry wolf following a prey's scent. That disturbs the rare peace and contentment in this stage of my life. If I let my mind continue running on that trail, I know that it is only a matter of time before my actions will follow suit and that will be the end of this peaceful stage. After close to a decade of these games and drama, I am not ready to let go of my peace just yet. Hence, the need for strict celibacy.

For the purposes of this experiment, here's what I define as celibacy:
  1. No physical intimacy with a woman - obviously.
  2. No non-physical sexual intimacy with a woman. This includes being romantic, 'sweet', flirtatious, etc. - the many not-so-innocent actions through which women creep into my life.
  3. No 'taking care' of self.
  4. No deliberate / conscious fantasizing of a sexual or romantic nature. Involuntary thoughts that come up unbidden are okay, if I let them pass away as soon as they appear.
  5. No deliberate / conscious thought or action to seek a woman's company.

The count of my celibate days starts today, March 20th, 2009. If I break any one of the above 5 rules, the count restarts again and you can read about my defeat here.
Posted by at 3/20/2009 12:01:00 AM
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13 comments:

  1. Over all, a successful first day of celibacy. Did not break any of the rules through one email, one phone call, a whole day of working, a party with all the women dressed in evening clothes, visits to a couple of pubs / bars, and a whole evening of drunkeness.

    On the way to one of the pubs, remembered Bheeshma who took a lifetime vow of celibacy. Felt a lot of sympathy for him. How tough his life must have been!

    Some slight depression on the way home for even having to do this, instead of living a contented life of love and happiness. Small prayer to the Universe to help me not to break any of the rules of celibacy; perhaps, to even make me asexual, so that I don't even have to think about these things.

    Over all, a successful day of celibacy though.
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  2. Someone who read my previous comment may wonder how an (asexual) email or a phone call could lead to not being celibate. The answer is that, I am being ultra-strict in how I define celibacy. Check out the rules above - I'm not allowing myself even a deliberate thought or word that could be romantic or flirtatious. In fact, in the past two days I've discovered that to be strictly compliant with my rules, I should even avoid the habitual-second-appraising-look of a pretty woman that comes naturally to all men (and many women too!).

    Why play with sparks if I don't want a fire?
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  3. I wonder why you call it an 'experiment.' Almost like you're doubting your ability and almost like you don't have the faith to do it.

    Just a thought~
    Nicole

    ps. I am not sure why you felt the need to post a blog about this, or what reasons you have for doing it, but I'm proud of you!
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  4. Nicole,

    Thanks for the kind words. To be honest, I don't know how long I can keep this up (will try my best, of course). But that is not the reason I term it an experiment. I am calling it an experiment just because it is not going to be a permanent thing, and I will observe myself and document the developments through this experience.

    I am blogging about it to - a) Keep a journal of the experience. b) Share my experiences with others who may be interested in a similar path.

    Thanks again for stopping by.

    LL
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  5. I think the trick here, is to not really think about it. It's like when you go on a diet, and thats when you're actually actively thinking and thinking abotu gulping down that last piece of cookie. Take it as it comes, and remember its not the end of the world if you crash.

    I personally think that if you're already single, why deprive yourself of feeling something can only add some humour in life?!
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  6. isheeta,

    I'm guessing you are a woman. I don't know how it is for women, but the diet analogy doesn't work for men. For us, it is like trying not to think about food when we are hungry. Worse, it is like trying not to think about eating when potential food items are all around. :-) It's an interesting experience, for sure!

    LL
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  7. I don't understand #3 at all.
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  9. Radman,

    The above blog post already answers that question, no?

    LL
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  10. wow! I will never understand why this is so hard for men. I of course am in tuned with the belief that women and men are wired differently, and I would be interested in spending a day in a man's body and mind to understand this better!

    I have been dating my Indian boyfriend long distance now for 7 months. Sexual thoughts about (other) men (as you suggest it is hard to get through your day without being triggered by an attractive woman) and even sexual thoughts in general while he is away are the furthest thing from my mind! This experiment would be a breeze for me. But - maybe I'm just the weird one here.

    I give you kudos for even attempting the experience. But just reading about it makes me cringe. Why is it so hard for guys to NOT think about it? ugh.
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  11. wow...this is interesting to me. veggiewendy is like most of my women friends...god, i envy them!! i am wired like a man and find it almost impossible to stave off thoughts of sex. i have often wondered if this keeps me from some deeper spiritual experience of life.
    i have followed you here through several different comments/blog posts. i am so interested to follow your experiment. and to read what you learn from it.
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  12. this is,

    I'm sure there are a lot more reasons why women would envy you for being a man. Also, from what I hear, although it takes more time and effort for women to heat up, they have a worse time dealing with sexual need once it is awakened in them.

    I too envy women, but for a different reason: the relative ease with which they can find a man for companionship of any kind. But I would never choose to be a woman, if I had that choice.

    LL
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  13. huh? the relative ease with which they can find a man for companionship of any kind!? Can you elaborate on this?

    Of course the one thing I have trouble with is keeping up on these comments. Since I don't get notification when you reply. But I'll try to remember to check back.

    Anyways, my girlfriends and I sometimes like to think back to our highschool days, when finding a "man" was simply a guy you thought was sooooo cute! Now, being older, (I am 26) us girls have to think; will he be a good provider? a good husband? a good father? does he have a hot temper? how does he treat others?

    The list goes on and on. But yes, there are some women who seem to jump in the arms of any man and that is why cheaters/liars/abusers are always in a relationship. If one leaves them they already had another waiting in the wings. Just like the one man all over the headlines for having what, 4 wives who all turned up dead or missing? Even in his jail cell he is getting letters from women saying they want to be with him.

    BTW, my Indian boyfriend is now in India for 3 months. This is after we just finished 7 months long distance. It gets harder each time it happens...but you don't let go of an amazing person.

    Keep looking for yours!
    ~Wendy
    ReplyDelete

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