Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Celibacy Report - Day 12

Today is day number 12 since the start of my celibacy regime on March 20th. Here are my observations so far:

1. There are simply too many opportunities in the course of a single day for the thoughts to flow in uncelibate directions. When the first involuntary uncelibate thought appears, I become conscious of it at once and stop any more successive thoughts. Occasionally, a second uncelibate thought appears in quick succession, before I have had a chance to stop the flow. Before celibacy (BC), I might have let the thoughts flow on to see what fantasy or story or action they would lead to. Now, I just stop them as soon as they appear.

2. The above effort to catch and stop involuntary thoughts as they appear during the course of each day has turned every day living into an experience in self-observation. It is interesting to see just how many triggers there are in the course of a normal day, which can lead to uncelibate thoughts.

3. One night last week, I had a sexual dream and I woke up in the middle of the dream to stop it from continuing. I don't even remember what the dream was about.

4. The moments of weakness seem to occur rather consistently are the morning hours when I am barely awake. My body's natural physical needs cause my half-awake mind to have uncelibate dreams/fantasies. I wake up and stop the dream/fantasy from progressing. Eventually I drift back to half-sleep and another dream/fantasy crops up. The only way to stop this is to just get out of bed and get on with my day's activities.

5. There have been a few moments of ambivalence: If I come across a sexual picture or video online, is it okay to see it if I don't let myself be affected by it? Is it okay to share a dirty joke with a friend? Is it okay to continue being friendly and communicating with someone I find physically attractive as long as I make no moves? Do any of these actions cause me to break the rules of celibacy as I have defined them?

6. There has been no great temptation to break any of my celibacy rules. No withdrawal symptoms. No fight to control urges.

7. The first 10 days were very easy actually. The last two days have brought higher number of involuntary uncelibate thoughts and physical feelings. It is not too difficult to stop them though. Hope they don't increase in the coming days.

8. I have also been in less good spirits the last two days. Is it related to this celibacy experiment or is it due to the events in my life or is it a combination of the two? I'm not sure...
Posted by at 3/31/2009 11:35:00 PM
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2 comments:

  1. Hello Libran Lover,

    I've read a bunch of your blogs on here and all so far were very interesting and insightful. I am proud of you for trying what few men would attempt with your celibacy experiment. I met a few men that has done a similiar experiment have found it to be helpful in clearing thoughts and bringing them closer to a spiritual calmness. I think it is good for everyone to go through something which tests their everyday fortitude and strength, in whatever way. It will make you stronger in the end.

    I have a somewhat delicate question that I want to ask out of strict female curiousity. I hope it doesn't offend you. I am a little bit ignorant of male sexuality and I was wondering that if during your experiment (or in every day life, I suppose) you end up having an 'accidental' arousal problem and you, as a male, don't do anything to 'fix' the situation, what happens? Does it go away on its own or is it just painful for you for a long time? Do you have to talk your self out it by thinking of un-sexual thoughts, like in the movies? If this question is too rude to ask, I apologize and feel free to ignore it. :)

    Also, I think you are definitely right about it being much easier for females to go without sex or sexual thoughts for a long time with an issue. Except for a few very sexual girls that I know, I don't think many have such a struggle keeping things non-sexual. I, myself, have gone years without sex or even wanting it but then have had periods of time where I think about it constantly and am more like a dog in heat, like a man. Females, I think, go through periods or flucuations depending on how we feel about ourself, our bodies, and how healthy and active we are.

    Sherri
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  2. Sherri,

    It is somewhat of a personal question, but in the context of this blog post, it is 'on topic'. So, no worries. :-)

    It is indeed very distracting for a man when he is in a state of sexual arousal. It is hard to concentrate on anything or think straight in that state. But it is not painful like the pain you might feel when you are physically hurt. I suspect this is the case for women also, no?

    For most men, the arousal wanes if the mind is distracted and made to think of something else. That is the trick. But that trick can be very tough. This is indeed an important part of being celibate - to consciously make the mind think of something else.

    Hope that answered your question. Thanks for stopping by.

    LL
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