There is definitely an increasing interest among non-Indian women towards Indian men, as the tech industry is bringing more and more of the latter to countries like USA and the UK. Non-Indian women have asked me some basic questions about Indian men. Being an Indian guy myself, I thought I would help answer some of those questions in a blog post. The following information would be useful to anyone who is interested in dating Indian men. This post is especially addressed to non-Indian women.
Most of what I write below is true of native-born urban Indians, irrespective of where they are in the world right now. However, this post is partial to the scenario where a non-Indian woman is interested in dating an Indian-born guy, residing in a non-Indian country (in other words, a non-resident Indian). Some sections of this post are very specific to Indians in the US. I am not familiar with ethnic Indians, who are born and brought-up in a non-Indian country. So, what I say below may not be true of such foreign-born Indians. I am also not very familiar with how things work when a foreign woman goes to India and dates an Indian guy in India.
Important Disclaimer
Anytime one writes something like what I am writing - making generalizations about people from a vast and diverse culture like India - one is taking a big risk of appearing to be prejudiced or stupid, of saying something which is totally different from the experiences of others, of offending some people, etc. So, remember that there are exceptions to everything I have written above and I will write on this subject going forward. After all, despite cultural influences, each person is an individual in their own right, and each situation is unique. Also, remember that I am merely stating the truth as I see it. Finally, remember that I am an Indian guy myself. I have dated Indian women as well as (white) Americans. There may be some unavoidable prejudices based on my background and experiences. However, it is important for those who know me - Indians and Americans - to understand that all of the following may not be true of me, as an individual. I am merely stating the predominant trends among Indian guys.
Indian Culture
The first thing you should remember about an Indian is that he comes from a culture which is very different from the Western (American and European) culture. The Indian might dress like Westerners and might speak English, but his culture is very different. It is very old, very deep and all-pervading in an Indian's life. If you are interested in an Indian, you should consider the breadth and depth of this cultural influence on him. The culture might influence the Indian in all or any combination of the following: food, communication (particularly communication in showing/sharing affection and during disagreements/conflicts), bath & toilet habits, living conditions, attitude towards money and spending, recreational activities and hobbies, tastes in entertainment, religious and spiritual beliefs, attitude towards the other gender, relationship with own family and the partner's family, relationship with children, etc. You should be prepared for the possibility that the Indian might differ from you in all of the above factors. You should try to get to know the Indian as much as possible vis-a-vis these factors.
Diversity within Indian Culture
Another thing you should keep in mind is that India is a very diverse and complex country. It is an amalgamation of numerous distinct as well as fuzzy cultures. So, even within India, the cultural differences are pretty significant. A person's geography, his family's traditional home (native place), the socio-econo-religious lifestyle of his family and the places where he grew up, his parents and family, his own individuality will all have a significant influence on his personality. So, do not make the mistake of thinking that if you have known one or two Indians, all the rest of them must be alike. There may be some similarities, but there will also be many differences.
Good things about dating Indians
Don't let all the cultural differences scare you away from Indians. The guy you are interested in may not necessarily be quite so different. Also, some of the differences are easily resolved, and just a matter learning, making minor changes, or getting used to each other and each other's culture. And then, differences are not necessarily bad. It is quite possible that these very differences might make a particular Indian guy very special to you, they might be a source of joy, and even the foundation for your relationship with him. There are some great things about dating non-resident Indians:
- Most non-resident Indian are smart. They are at least college-educated. That is what enabled them to legally move to a foreign country to study or work.
- They are economically stable, holding well-paid jobs.
- They are a polite and pleasing people. They are reasonable and dependable, easy to get along with.
- Your Indian guy could be your window / door-way into an immensely rich, complex and interesting ethnic culture. It could be a real fun ride, if you are interested in diverse ethnic experiences.
In Part 2 of this post, we shall discuss what I think are the most important factors you should know about if you are interested in dating an Indian outside India: attitude towards romancing women, money & immigration status, and his family (not in any particular order). Knowledge of these factors will help you understand an Indian man and his motivations better. They might also alert you to the differences that could come up when you date him.
Dating Indian Men II
Posts
132 comments:
hi nice
hi freind , i m sanjay from agra(India). m/35/agra wants sincere n honest friendship for any sex. My email: sj_30q@yahoo.com
A question:
How can a girl attract a nerdy Indian guy?
Thanks for explaining the situation I find myself in. I now understand the cross cultural miscommunication better.
Where we women in the west will happily accept a casual arrangement for coffee with a guy, in order to get to know him better, the Indian male friend I met, seemed to be more keen to escalate the friendship to something closer, more attached and physical. I am also tall, older and divorced.
Thank you so much for clearing this all up for me. You've really helped clarify where we are at, where I stand. Keep up the good work :-)
LL,
I have a couple ?'s for you. I saw that you met your apparently arranged fiance but ended it for your GF(kudos btw lol) Did you GF know that you were meeting her?
And a wierd ? that I'm gonna ask my guy when he comes back too, but I wanted another Indian techie guy's answer too lol. My man loves it when I feed him or do his hair, put his shoes on little touches which didn't bug me till I talked to some friends and they were like see it starts there and then he burns you.(oh please gotta love crazy friends)Anyway is this a cultural thing, man thing, or just my man thing lol
Thanks
Ali G
My daughter's Mr. Indian is an opportunist, who puts men at the top of the tree and sees women as somehow having less value or intelligence other than to be used. (His attitude at least!) He’s not a very honourable friend for my daughter at all and so I am relieved he’s not called her much since she told him to grow up and to stop being always on the make.
He's such a Tom Cat, he’s deliberately pursuing other women. She told him she’d never marry again and he so desperately wants a wife - probably for citizenship so he can use a NZ passport to go to Australia & USA because he has nothing in the country besides his clothes and a few books. NOTHING.
I suspect he plays with other women’s hearts in the same way he does my girl’s. Obviously he thrives on the attention, like some sort of addiction and though he's been told by his lecturers, doesn't see much wrong in using women to fuel his poetry (and ego).
He fantasises over other women so is emotionally betraying my daughter and she’s a human being in her own right and so doesn’t want to be part of his harem.
But with no permanent job, no home, nor apartment, no furniture, not even a car, he's not much of a catch yet he's always coming onto women and expects them to pick him up and to chauffeur him around.
Do western women have such a low value for nothing more than to be used? Or just good for casual sex? Or is it just marking time, until he gets citizenship?
Why do these guys look at western girls, almost undressing them with their eyes? And I'm not just referring to Indian men who come to NZ but also others like Italians, Greeks, Turks (etc) who seem to have sexist POV, to objectify women.
This Indian guy who has been using my daughter, can't even take my girl's intelligence and achievements seriously because of his noticeable male-centric view, so if it's a woman with the POV or the same law degree as a man, he assumes the woman is merely exciteable and the man with the law degree to be more credible.
He's so patronising. Where's this sexism coming from?
do not blame India for that......such kind of people are in every country
to the mother whose dtr dated an indian man. i am not indian, but am now married to a wonderful indian man. I have to say that my husband, his indian male friends and male relatives are from a good background. These are indian males w/ education that work in professional jobs. They are here for professional reasons and some have even settled here. Not all indian men are like your dtr's boyfriend. you have to look at his background, education level of himself and his family. i'm sure you're aware that even in other cultures including american, socio-economic factors are important to look at no matter what race. so your dtr could have been dating a white boy from a trailor park and he could have been using her as well. i provide therapy for battered women and the batterers are not from one specific culture, there are whites, blacks, latino, asian, etc. i think it's important for you to know that as an american, i get cheap stares from caucasian, latino, etc men as well. trust me, a lot of caucasian males are players too. just go to your nearest night club. sleezy men cut across all cultures and same goes for great catches. i have to say that i have found an honorable man- my soul mate who happens to be an indian man from bangalore. let's not be ignorant and think just because this guys a looser, it must reflect on his race. i think it's a pity to hear women with such simple deductive reasoning.
Simple deductive reasoning or not, it seems like a mothers desperate cry for help in the face of a real smarmy womaniser
http://www.blurtit.com/q804386.html
Maybe there aren't so many Indian male models where she is to measure against?
Definitions of womaniser on the Web: a man who likes many women and has short sexual relationships with them http://www.wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Promiscuity refers to sexual behaviour of a man or woman who engages in sexual relations with multiple partners on a casual and/or regular basis.
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Womaniser
A serial seducer of women
http://www.en.wiktionary.org/wiki/womaniser
I simply wanted to understand hence my question, no deductive reasoning at all!!! It is my daughter who has been used by the Indian. The reason I asked is because we do not know any Hispanics, blacks, or latino & only few Indians. We haven't had much personal experience with Indians because we grew up in a remote, rural community of Maori/Dalmatian/Kiwi NZrs. The few Indians we met were concentrated in the cities, kept to themselves & were mostly from Fiji. We knew mostly those who'd married local girls in order to get NZ citizenship so as to travel to & live in Australia & America. Not all of the men were honest & their reputations were they just used our women, then left once they received a NZ Passport. They abandoned their own 1/2 cast offspring. So NZ citizenship tightened up & now immigrants must wait 5 years before applying for our Passport but it is known in Australia about folk who could not otherwise get there but via a NZ passport.
I know this 40 y/o nomad does not like NZ's damp, cold or temporate climate. He is due to apply for his Passport this year, with plans to live in Perth, where it is closer to India & where the climate is dry. He needs NZ citizenship to do that & I fear he will leave my daughter in the lurch, once he gets it.
I only wanted to understand him better, out of concern for my daughter.
The info the young man wrote has been helpful.
THANK YOU!
Looks like you have your answer.
Australia & further afield have more opportunities. The men behave like there are no consequences because they're not going to stick around long enough to concern themselves with reputations.
Also I suggest that a maritime island country, such as NZ, makes for less than 6 degrees of separation, as everybody knows somebody - if not the individual directly.
Larger continental countries such as India, USA, have wider populations & thus by far comparatively greater levels of anonymity. So migrants coming to NZ from such countries may take a while to realise that while Western sexual freedoms exist, they are not so anonymous. (This in part is cross cultural misunderstanding)
French terrorists that bombed the Greenpeace ship, Rainbow Warrior, were easily caught & apprehended because of their ignorance of our tiny community.
Exploitative Indian, Turkish, Greek (etc) boys enroute to Australia via NZ citizenship take a while to catch on & even when caught out, they have a passport & escape. They’re not here for the long haul, hence the bad reputations of Indian men (etc) here & the end of NZ citizenship via marriages.
Thank you for your post.... Why are some Indian families not open to white American women? It seems like American families are more accepable of Indians. American families for the most part feel "if my daughter is happy with a good Indian man then I am happy for both of them" and Indian families want their children to marry a stranger they have chosen for them. Their belief is "I want to make my family happy & proud with this caste stuff & who cares if my child desires another".... I mean they don't like North & South Indians dating let alone an American!!! Why???
Signed American woman who likes Indian people :)
Spicey_K,
Thanks for stopping by. Whatever makes you like us Indian people?! Just kidding! :-)
To answer your question, the main motivation for Indian families is indeed the happiness of their children. In India, within the same caste, there can be multiple sub-castes, each with its own traditions and practices of living life. In the face of such diversity, in the olden days, when marriages were as much between entire families, as they were between just two individuals, it was thought that the more alike the two families and their traditions are, the greater chances there are for compatibility, harmony and happiness. The same beliefs and attitudes are ingrained in many people to this day. Also, to this day in India, two families come much more closer after marriage, especially compared to the US. I hope that makes sense?
What about your own experience? Thinking as just individuals, in general, do you think that you'd have greater compatibility and more shared background/heritage, with American guys than Indian guys?
LL
Hey. Nice post, and I would agree with your generalization, because without that, you cannot discuss such a touchy topic. ;-)I am an Indian myself and have had varied experiences with American women myself. What I do know is that Indian men are born with certain subtle prejudices, and these seem to come out glaringly when they interact intimately with women from other countries. In fact, I'm going to put up a post just on this on my blog http://www.thepataoproject.com/ The blog is more of a tool to help Indian men understand women (Indian, international) better. Hope to keep in touch.
Indian men can never get Western women while Indian women kiss up or sell out to White Men. This is because the Interracial relationship in western countries are prejudiced. Its always White Men with Colored Women and never we see a Colored Men with White women. This is due to constant emasculation of the Colored Men by the mainstream Western media.
And most White women are very racist too and stick to only their White Men even though the White Men enjoy with all types of Women.
The real losers are only Colored men.
Doesn't happen in NZ like that. Many of us are products of generations of mixed marriages so not averse to dating outside of our own cultures. However Indian people generally tend to keep to themselves & marry within their own communities. Unfortunately though there are parasites who only come here exploit/use our women, then leave once they get their NZ passport. So we only see one side of such men, the opportunists. They enjoy the western sexual freedoms, without responsibility. But because of sham marriages by such parasites, the NZ govt introduced stricter citizenship conditions where now a migrant must live continuously in NZ for 5 years before applying for our passport. However, every week folk in Australia hear of immigrants who arrive there via NZ citizenship, because they cannot get into Australia any other way. (Meanwhile they have fun for 5 yrs @ our expense.) Inter-racial marriages are not at all uncommon in NZ tho & I do know of a few 1/2 caste Maori & Indian people, 1/2 caste Pacific Island/Indian people & a few halfcaste white/Indian kiwis.
What I don't know is why some Indian men who come here to NZ, are so hell bent on getting a white woman, when your own Indian women are so beautiful & generally behave more traditionally that is not as feminist/independent. Not that I like the double standards of the men who come here, towards women & gender roles. It takes our country back 50 yrs & our women have become accustomed to increased freedoms & more equality.
kiwi,
Most men who are not white and who are specifically interested in white women are simply looking for an easy lay. This is true not just of Indians, but also of other Asians (including Japanese, Chinese, middle-Eastern men), Africans, etc. There are two reasons for this:
1. Almost every movie and TV show coming out of predominantly white countries, portray white women as being sexually promiscuous. Men in other countries grow up watching American movies and TV shows in which white women are openly sexual to the extent that women from their native countries would never be, not even in local movies and TV shows, let alone in real life. In absence of contact with white women in real life, these men grow up thinking that most white women are promiscuous and easy.
2. The second reason is that, white women ARE indeed more promiscuous than women from any other cultures. That is fast changing with the spread of Western culture to urban areas around the world. But comparatively speaking, as far as I know, white women have more sexual partners in their life time than native women from anywhere else. I read somewhere that the average number of sexual partners that an average American would have in her/his lifetime is 8. In India, for the majority of people, it is still just ONE. And the majority of Indians still have sex with that one person AFTER getting married. Again, this is fast changing in India also. But even those people who have premarital relationships in India, keep their affairs very secretive. Where as in Western countries, it is just everyday reality that a woman has had multiple sexual partners before she got married.
I am just being frank here and expressing the reality of the situation. I hope this explains it for you.
LL
I learn a lot from you so do appreciate your frank perspective. From what I’ve read, yours comes with very little (if any) judgment to genuine query, unlike some, who do not know where I am coming from.
I am interested because I am one of many mixed race Maori & non-indigenous. Both my parents were from mixed race or bi-racial parents also. My grandfather a Maori chief, married our cockney nanna, when he'd rejected his own pre-arranged marriage. For several generations our men sought after WHITE women because they were seen as the 1st prize while wahine Maori, the BOOBY PRIZE!
This is changing with ongoing Maori renaissance & decolonisation. Thank goodness. (We are caught in the contradictions of a colonised reality).
However our women have adapted & changed, under colonisation, not always for the better. There used to be very few opportunities for misdemeanors because of strong kinship links & social practices protected women as prized vessels of high value & ancestral embodiment http://www2.waikato.ac.nz/law/wlr/1994/article6-mikaere.html
I know the Fiji Indians misjudge us if we drink & get up to hi-jinx, even when no hanky-panky occurs nor was intended. They judge us through their own cultural lens, when they are living in our country. Interestingly Fiji is not their country either, as many a coup over the last 2 decades illustrates.
However I agree with you. We too have our own men who've chased honkys just for the easy lay but also for the trinket prize value of nailing a white sheila. Pakeha women are still somehow more endorsement than our own. And of course there are always white women who chase our men, just as white men who will see us as the dusky sexually available South Seas women of myth. These men like to bonk our women, to use them then take home the respectable white girls to marry. For Maori women the contradictions abound, hence my interest in your situations & trying to understand why an Indian man would want to marry a white woman down here, instead of your own attractive girls, or even the NZ born & bred Indian women.
There's still a gender/racial hierarchy here too, as a previous poster suggests in the USA. For us, it was white men at the top, followed by white women, thirdly Maori men. Maori women were at the bottom. So white men had first option for white women. The Maori men competed with them for the white females first. Our women had to deal with the leftovers but have now risen above our/their own Maori men, in higher educational attainment. But our women have also learned to go elsewhere, or accept 2nd best or none. This makes our girls vulnerable to the parasitic migrants, here to enjoy the western sexual freedoms, without the responsibilities & restrictions back home, while they wait out their citizenship stints. Being a very small maritime country, by the time they've sowed their wild oats & got the notorious reputations (& even mixed race, offspring ), they swan off across the Tasman to Australia, Scott free, leaving our girls in the lurch. It's no wonder some of our people mistrust all foreign males.
Sadly that suspicion extends to Indian men, which is why I find your posts educational. I prefer to give the guys the benefit of the doubt, before deciding whether someone is dishonest or behaving according to different cultural paradigms or mores.
Thank you again.
Nice article.
Ken
Isn't there some trinket or status value in showing off to mother a white bride, like you've somehow made it?
I am married right now to a spanish guy but its not working out. I met this Indian guy and he is soo sweet he treats me with respect unlike my husband. We agree on a lot of the same things when it comes to children and how a relationship should go. We want to date but he has a girl and im married.We both dont get along with the people we are with. His parents are stuck in their culture as indian men with indian women only.I like this guy a lot. Dont know what to do.Any suggestions. Tiffany
Tiffany,
This is not so much an Indian / non-Indian question, as it is a man / woman question.
As long as there are other people in your lives, do not take a single step towards each other or into any type of a relationship or affair together. If you really care for each other, if you really want each other so much, then free yourselves of other people and start with a clean slate. Or else, you will find yourselves in one hell of a gigantic mess. It is not fair to others, it is not fair to the two of you. Hope that helps.
LL
Hello, I met an Indian man and it was too frustrating because we couldn't have good communication and after 1 month we broke up. After that he asked me just to be friends but he does some things that confuse me. Can you please explain me what is the meaning of "soft corner" he told me that he has "soft corner" for me, but that he is not the right man for me.
Anonymous,
I don't know what it was that caused the two of you to break-up, but having a 'soft corner' for someone means, having a special liking, special consideration or special affection for someone. For example: "I love all my kids, but I have a soft corner for my youngest girl".
But make no mistake - when someone says that they are not right for you, they don't want you.
Hope that helps.
LL
Hi - how do you recommend handling of a breakup - my indian ex boyfriend of 4 years whom I love dearly will not commit to me, yet will not leave me either and wants to make sure I am ok. He feels very guilty he is choosing not to marry me because, being a white woman, I come prepackaged with all sorts of decisions he's not ready to make and all sorts of fights he's not willing to start.
His visible pain at not choosing me is confusing the hell out of me, though. He cries about how lonely he is here but will not allow me any closer and he fears my leaving. I cry when he leaves, I want him to stay. It's a mess. And he wants to make me feel less pain which of course, isn't possible and leads to mis-messaging. I keep on thinking if he feels all this for me, and keeps missing me he will then ultimately change his mind. But he's too pragmatic and I realize now he will not.
I am very worried for him and myself too. I fear he and I will break into little bitty pieces if I reject him out of my life entirely and I know he fears the same thing and does't want to leave me but still he won't commit to me. He doesn't think I deserve this but he's doing it anyway.
I don't know how to behave in a manner that will minimize our growing losses. I'm also kind of upset I'm worried about him and his sanity,( along with mine) and his guilt level. I don't want to incur any more pain for him or for me. It's already barely handle-able and in the end, the decision is not about me so much as it is what I represent and I cannot change my color, my culture, or my age. My heart and person is good, but it is not enough.
He says I will always be in his life but I think his future wife would not want that and I don't want to do that to her. I also personally don't want to be witness to him marrying as it will cause way too much pain and probably be sooner since his parents are pushing him so hard to marry. And he is struggling with their very different view of him than the reality. Plus his very modern parents surprisingly super old school caste values.
Do Indians stay in touch with past relationships? And is there anything I'm not getting, culturally or relationship wise?
palegale,
What you are going through is a classic relationship issue. It has nothing to do with culture. Couples from any two cultures (or even from the same culture) can go through this.
You are right in your opinion that he won't change his mind. There is only one thing for you to do: cut off all communication and relationship with him. Cut it off cold. It won't be easy to do this. But believe me when I say that cutting off cold is far less difficult than what you guys are doing right now. There is more pain, more threat to your sanity in what you are doing now, than in cutting off cold.
And don't worry. You will both be quite okay when you cut it off cold. Neither one of you will break into pieces or go insane. In fact, you might go insane if you continue doing what you are doing now. Just put an end to the misery.
Hope that helps.
LL
interesting blog...been in this country for 6 yrs..USA. Seen a lot and guess noticed and realized, how, I myself had changed over the years..in general..like to pass on some of my own thoughts to some of your questions
1. Why Indian men like white women?
ans)apart from the media, I personally feel..its the males desire to have something new,.We do see many indian women beautiful and capable of leading families, but the thing of white women trying to succeed in these things make it more attractive..just like women immediately smell a man as a potential mate and father her children..
2)Again, not all whiite women are open enough..I personally dated closed to 6 white women..ha ah its tiring..none of them realise the importance of a structure family-i am not generalising every white women...but my sympathies go out the basis of this society,. broken families and always trying to win love..love and affacetion dont happen that way..you share, fight, and forgive and forget and move to the next day..but not run away from eachother..feminism and independency is a natural trait to most white women..and to many indian women offlate..nothing wrong with that..but, when you are in a relation, it takes two to make on relation, you have to give and take..and learn to understand where the otherperson is coming from...or else..it need not be even given a name called "relation"..we can just call it as a pleasure relation..
3)also..independency after a point goes something like "if women behave all along with her very own partner as a independent person, then why does she even want to be with him? on the other hand, the men begin to think like..if she is so independent rather than interdependent..we tend to lose the feminine aspect of some of these white women and start looking at them like normal males.."
hope soemone gets back with more comments to my post--cheers!!!Gary
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I was dating an Indian guy for the past 3 month. I am honestly very confused regarding our relationships. I don't know if I am loosing my mind or being played. I hope neither. I am falling for this guy and we do talk about marriage. However I am a typical western white girl, with kind of a problematic family who divorced and has problems with the drugs. I am not connected with them however him knowing all those unfortunate aspects give him a lot of worry. He tells me he will to marry me, yet he indicates if he ever tells the complete truth about me and my family to his family they will never accept me. My parents got divorced, which is obviously not a good indicator. However how is it my fault. I didn't choose my childhood. I am trying to get any reassurance I can from him. Still I am absolutely not convinced. I am afraid ultimately he will not accept me for who I am, neither will his parents. The last thing I want is to get too involved with him where break up would be too much to handle and too painful. I don't know maybe right now is the time to pull the plug on this, so no one get hurts at the end. He is 27 years old and I am his first "serious" relationships. Which I don't if it’s good thing or not. In my case he is definitely not the first. Some things that he does make me feel that we have a great potential in the future and possibly marriage. So far I was able to talk to his sister and his aunt on the phone. This maybe is not too bad after 3 month of knowing each other. But not his parents, I don't even know if his parents know about me or not. Somehow I don’t' believe him on that matter. We are already in an intimate, serious level of the relationships. I just hope that all those poems, love letter and beatiful romance is not a simple play for pleasure. Please if any one has any tips that would be extremely helpful. What can I do to get more assurance on the situation and his true intentions regarding our future? Somehow I can not totally rely and believe what he is saying.Maybe from my previous experiences I just learned to be too cautious and suspicious. Can an Indian family accept me in to their family without judging my past and my dysfunctional family? Am I ultimately predestined for the disaster with this guy?
Hi Libran Lover, thank you for all of the interseting information. It's very helpful and I enjoy reading every post!
Here is my issue... I've been dating an Indian guy for a little bit over a month. (I'm Latin) He is the sweetest and most polite man I've ever dated. I went into this knowing it is not going to turn into anything long term, as he is transfering to another school. We haven't discussed if we will continue our relationship after he goes away. He'll be about 2 1/2 hours away.
Anyways, here is my question. His sister is getting married this month. I was just invited to the wedding yesterday. (yikes!!) I am honored to be invited, and also very excited since I've never been to an Indian wedding. And I would like to know what would be appropriate for me to wear. I want to wear something respectful and not to over the top. I'm also on a budget. Do you have any ideas or know of any websites, ect..? Thank you and take care,
Isabel
Silpada,
I know that love does not conform to any timelines and stuff, but 3 months is still too early to be thinking and talking about marriage. Why don't you just take it easy and concentrate on really getting to know your bf, and having some good shared times together? While you are doing that, be careful not to do or give anything you might regret later, if the relationship does not work out. Does this make sense? Hope this helps.
LL
Isabel,
Why don't you just ask your bf what kind of dress you should wear?
Do you know if it is going to be a traditional Indian wedding? Do you know if the people there will all be Indians or will there be other non-Indians also? Part of your decision should also depend on what you are comfortable wearing and if you are comfortable being differently dressed from other people around.
Indian women tend to wear grand, rich, shiny traditional clothes for weddings. Do you think you'd be able to procure such a dress and be comfortable wearing it? If not, will you be okay wearing whatever you are comfortable with, but being different from most women there?
It's hard for me to answer your question without knowing you and the details of this wedding. But I hope my comment helped a little bit. Check with your bf.
LL
Help! I am in need of some serious advice about dating and indian man. We have been "seeing" eachother for about 2 months now. He has been in the U.S. for 3 years and is doing his currently doing his residency here.
Here is my problem... In the begining he contacted me and pursued me. We are intimate and only see eachother on weekends do to my job and his and the fact that we live and hour away from eachother. We usually only text eachother during the week and sometimes his responses to me saying "hey! how are you" are very short and he doesn't respond after that.
I am just wondering if it is merely cultural differences that I am not understanding how indian men date vs. american dating. or if he is just playing me and I am falling for it.
How do I know if he is just into me and not just looking for sex? Is there something I can do?
LDR … Belgian girl/Indian guy … Just a silly dream?
Im a 21 year old girl, Last summer I fell in love with an Indian guy, in June we first met on the Net, on an ADD discussion board, from then on we continued talking on msn and discovered that we in fact had a lot in common :) We felt so comfy, when talking, like finally there was somebody who you could relate to without feeling ashamed or foolish. At that time Manuj was in Italy, in Milano, doing a design internship, so one day, he suggested coming over to Belgium by plane and meeting me. It was August 12th, when I finally saw him. We spend 5 days with each other in Belgium, and very soon or friendship grew into something “more” It was amazing; I had never felt soo safe and comfy with someone.
It wasn’t only his looks, (he sure was handsome ;p) but his whole presence and character, He was cute, funny, gentle, he made me laugh, and he made me feel like I was special. They say Indians are generous and friendly of nature, such a far cry from some Belgian guys I used to date. Im a kind of introvert girl of nature and not at all a beauty queen (short hair, tall & twiggy) but then it were just these “odd” things he liked about me. He made me have more confidence in myself. I mean, before we met we were both virgins, neither him nor me had any sexual experience, that last day we actually made love, both hooked up in a hotel room, it was kind of an adventure :p but also it was the most beautiful and pure experience I ever shared with someone. … But then of course there’s the hour of goodbye … Left alone with the harsh facts … He lives in North India (Jodhpur) on the other side of the world, a totally different culture and background, how could we possibly have a relationship? We still keep in contact by msn, once a week we voicechat and I think about him almost every day, though it is not certain if we might meet again in future and IF we would, then it could be the last time together. I’ve read some paragraphes about White girls and Indian guys, and how they don’t want to feel “used” afterwards, because the guy in fact will have to end the affair and marry an Indian girl (arranged marriage and all) I guess his family isn’t thà t conservative, but then what? There’s no chance he will leave his family to move to Belgium, which is understandable, they have very tight bonds with their relatives and culture.
He’s turned 23 now, he has a proper job as interaction designer in Bangalore and he’s not yet into marriage, I mean at what age do Indian guys usually settle? Ahhh sometimes I try to see it more light hearted, like okay… I had this experience of a lifetime and it was beautiful and amazing, but now I need to forget and move on, but then other times I just get crushed emotionally, like I can’t breathe without him. I know I could never forget him just like that, it will take a long long time, and it sounds silly maybe, we just saw each other 5 days; people can change … blah blah … But have you ever been with someone, who has moved you soo deeply, who could understand u even without words, as if you were “soulmates”? And believe it or not, but our Vedic report showed we match for 83 percent, the only area that had 0 % was, like expected, the Gan /Social matter :s
I am a housewife in usa. I get many calls from Indian men for computor stuff/ debt stuff all day long I really enjoy talking to them they are so funny and polite. Is it normal for them to call me 3 or 4 times a day to visit and ask what I am doing. Today 4 different ones called I wondering if they are passing around my phone number. I like talking to them and making them laugh. All conversations are lighthearted most are in their twenties I am fifty. They come up with the darndest English names and try to convince me that they are in the United States.
I don't mind talking to them but what is really behind all the calls. Do they not talk to women in india?
I am a very attractive educated BF in the USA. GA to be specific. I have always been attracted to Indian men. My greatgrandfather was actually from India. Maybe it is an attraction based on part of my lost culture. I would like to know if there are any sites that I could meet and date Indian men from. I am very open minded to learning his culture and traditions. Please help. I am very sincere in my 40's and feel this is my destiny.
rnga2,
Thanks for stopping by my blog. It is very interesting to know that your great-grandfather was Indian.
To answer your question, I am not very familiar with the Indian dating sites. You might get more information by doing a search on Google, than what I could provide about dating sites for Indians. I have heard of one site called indiandating.com. Not sure if there are any other Indian-specific dating sites. However, there are a number of matrimonial sites Indians use - but those are for purposes of marriage, not dating. And I think a non-Indian woman would not have much luck on the matrimonial sites. So, your best bet would be to try the dating sites. I think there might be a small number of Indians on other general dating sites like eharmony.com, etc.
Sorry, I don't seem to have any great suggestions for you.
LL
Hi everyone, I am but a simple greenhorn from the Antipodes. So please bear with me.
My friend was born in 1967. At 41, he is obsessed with having a non-Indian bride & became indignant, sulky, moody, angry and precious, when I asked why marriage is so important to Indian men. He was so offended by a simple question. Never having been to India, I do not know.
Mixed flatting is very common here & each gets their own separate bedroom, with NO strings attached. So he's flatted with many women here, but never lasts very long. He’s pressured me to have him move into my existing rental accommodation. He plans to live & work in Perth so expected I’d go ahead & move all that way over to Western Australia, set up a house, then he'd move in & pay 1/2 the rent & utilities (but I can't afford to do that). He wouldn't set up a place of his own accord. Because he happily seeks established accommodation, with women; I wondered whether he’s deeply ingrained with the old dowry system he was born under, even 40+ yrs after they were abolished? Or is he simply a parasite?
Apart from two suitcases of clothing & books, he has absolutely nothing. Not even regular job or income. A permanent student, he doesn't hold permanent or full time work, despite his 4 qualifications. He just does part time temporary work, while doing one tertiary qualification then another.
He's so desperate on getting a bride but is without any means to support one. Its as if being married is going to save him somehow. What money he does earn, he sends back to his widowed mother because he's the oldest. Rather than work permanently, he chooses to work only enough to support his mother in Mumbai and make a few extra dollars to live with others as cheaply as possible.
Basically he lives off the weekly student loan the govt grants him of $155 per week. He lives in a cheap hostel room for only $40 per week. The tiny bedroom is shared with a guy who sleeps in the other bunk so always wants to stay the night at my place or tries to make out in my car. The car is very expensive for me to run and he doesn’t drive either.
He couldn't understand why the last antipodean girlfriend he moved in with, was upset he sent most of his income back to his mother but barely paid enough to cover his fair share of their rent and utilities. And boy does he eat very fast and consumes quite a lot & food is not cheap. He is vegan so the cost of vegetables and fruits gets very expensive for poor working class city people living on tight budgets.
It seems to me he only wants a western bride to support him so he can keep sending money home to mother. Trouble is, independent working class women here do not have daddies, brothers or family paying for us and must earn our own incomes and keep. I am very uncertain. Hence my wanting to understand so as to make a more informed decision.
I'm just trying to understand whether there may be more cross-cultural misunderstandings that I don't yet know about.
rose,
Your Indian friends sounds like he is totally unfit for a relationship in ANY culture. Why do you even want to understand him? What is the attraction or compulsion? You should be trying to get away from him. Far. For good. And not have anything to do with him.
He doesn't want Indian girls? Trust me, no Indian girl would want him either - if she knew what you've mentioned about him. Forget him. Concentrate on your life.
LL
You know what, you're a smart guy.
I felt guilty about avoiding him, until I read your reply & realised he's been using emotional blackmail & hiding behind cultural differences and accusations of racism, to excuse his behaviours. At first I felt to blame & actually started to wonder whether or not I'd done something wrong, that I was somehow responsible.
At a time in my life when I was very lonely & grieving the tragic death of my twin sister he came along and wouldn't stop pestering me & complaining about how hard done by Indians are. I, like everyone else, had simply been kind to a stranger. Our families accepted and treated him with the courtesy & hospitality due to a visitor to our country & welcomed him as part of the family. In return he harassed me & wouldn't take no for an answer.
His 1st flatmate-cum-girlfriend had had to tell him to leave her alone as well. He seems to expect everything from women, as if it's normal. It isn't here. I only told him I'd flat with him in Western Australia as a favour. But that gesture wasn't good enough, (nothing's ever enough). He expected me to set up the house as well, like he was doing me the big favour of allowing me to be kind to him.
He blames Fijian Indians for people being wary of Indian men. He says everyone's racist towards him in Australasia. Now I see people are just wary of him. You are quite right. When I mention Indian women he only ever dismisses them in a derogatory way without explaining why.
He finally stopped harassing me because my cousin told him to grow some ethics and stop bludging.
Thank you for clarifying things for me. You've been a big help. Really.
You are better off without him.
Face it, he has no honor. In some cultures kindness is considered a virtue. But there are parasitic individuals who have no respect for cultural ethics. They will perceive kindness as a weakness, so that you deserve to be taken advantage of.
No surprise he cannot find himself a bride!
Dump him. He's a disgrace. And like the guy says, make it quick.
i was happy to come across this site/postings. im seeing an indian man... ive begun to really like him and he also have tollen me that he "likes" me... the thing iss, i tried asking him questions to get to know him more and he kind of hesitated and told me the things i already know, he is a driver/cab and ive usen that transportation tons of times to work and home i havent noticed him till he actually grabbed my attention in a store and told me he made so many trips with me before, from thenn ive been attracted and wanting to see him. ive seen him a couple times and been very close to one another.. im just wondering to why he may not want to tell me more about himself.. we do see each other at an odd time as we both work nightshifts and se each other on the weekend.. i know i have asked basic questions before when i first met him like his relationship statuss and he has lived in US before here in canada.. but at the time i was intoxicated lol...
anyhow thats my story.
Thank you for this article. Well, I agree with you that is it a fun ride. Don`t know where it will take me, but I know for sure that I have learnt a lot of good stuff about India and my BF has learnt a lot about Eastern Europe and we both have expanded our horizons quite a bit. Good luck! :)
This is the first really informative place I have found after a couple of days of searching for info on dating Indian men, and I've already found answers to some of my questions - thank you for these posts, and all the comments! Very interesting.
Here is the long (though short time-wise!) story that brings me here:
I just met an Indian man about a week ago at a club - and already I am incredibly confused about this guy.
The night we met (Friday) there was just an instant connection when we saw each other. We ended up dancing, talking a little, kissing and holding onto each other a lot. He was (and continues to be) really into taking pictures together, too.
Near the end of that first night, after spending a couple of hours together, he was asking me what I was doing the next day. We ended up setting up a date for Sunday.
The date Sunday was FABULOUS, we just got along really well, I learned a lot about him - He is 31 (Btw, I am 25, white, and finishing my undergrad in business), was born and raised in Balgalore, is an IT project manager, has been in the US for a year so far on a 3-5 year contract project, plans on returning to India after that, has 1 brother who is older and married with kids, was in one long-term relationship before, in India, which didn't work out because the girl's parents didn't approve (they were different castes). Just trying to include all of the possibly relevant info there...
On that first date I was flattered that he seemed to like me so much. For example: He told me he had a trip to Las Vegas planned for the next weekend, and he wished he met me sooner because he would have loved to take me with him... and that he was planning a trip to Minneapolis soon, maybe I could come with then. Sure it sounded a little rushed, but so fun and adventurous! I wasn't off-put at that time. We planned another date for Wednesday (last night). I was incredibly smitten with this guy and reveled in fantasies about traveling together, getting married and having babies (typical silly girl stuff :p) for the two days in between dates.
Wednesday came around and the date was again, FABULOUS, we had a lot of fun talking, laughing, and cuddling. Until we got toward the end of the night, when things got a little weird for me.
Again I was flattered with how much he seemed to like me, but soon started to become uncomfortable with the extend of these apparent feelings. He told me he was no longer excited about his trip to Vegas because he would miss me; that he had been excited about going to clubs, shows etc. but now didn't want to do those things because he could "not be interested in another girl". He asked if I thought I would be able to eventually come back with him to India (and hey, I'm not opposed to the thought, but SECOND DATE, wtf?).
Besides that, a few times during the evening, I noticed (in retrospect) him pulling out this control freak card. We went to an Indian restaurant, and he had some suggestions for what to eat, how to eat it, etc. that I didn't decide to take - and he actually raised his voice a couple of times in agitation that I wasn't listening to him. He did the same type of thing later when we were walking around town, but played it off as joking every time.
The final thing that really got me thinking was that when he dropped me off at home, we made plans to get together again when he got back, Tuesday or Wednesday. As he was leaving he said "Tuesday?" and I said "Probably." I swear he looked incredibly pissed and also a little panicky, got out of the car and came by me going "Probably?? What is this probably???" Sheesh! I said "Probably... as in you said Tuesday or Wednesday... so, if you still want to do it Tuesday, that's fine... that's the going plan, so, "probably"... Tuesday." He kind of shook it off and said "ok.. you confuse me", but then got back in the car to take off. But - his last words to me were "Behave yourself!"
So... after reading the thoughts here, I think I may have accidently stumbled into "if a girl agrees to date you, that means if all goes well, you'll probably get married someday" category? But I just don't understand how that could have happened so fast!!
I'd like to continue dating, but CASUALLY, once or twice a week (and possibly still dating other people) - I wouldn't even be ready for the BF/GF stage for at least a couple of months. Do you think this guy would be able to get that, and adjust? If so, how exactly do I go about explaining my feelings so he doesn't feel hurt/angry? If not... how do I explain my feelings/back out without him getting TOO hurt/angry?
Thanks for any thoughts!!!
Hey, that's really useful. I don't think I ever saw a guide to dating Indian men before. There's lots of guides for dating women from one culture or another, but very few I think aimed at women looking for men?
Yeahh, im from El Salvador and have been dating hispanic men all my life. Like a couple months ago, I mean this indian guy who moved into my high school. He had the girls going gaga over him. He was really good looking. But once my friend(who was also crushing on him) introduced me to him we clicked like that.
Then like two weeks later he asked me out. I lost my virginity to him, and it seemed really good. I really am thinking that this guy is the one...but i'm not sure because on the day i met his family, they were kind of surprised i guess that he was bringing home someone who wasn't indian. But he promised me that nothing would keep us apart. I live in America,...he came here when he was 4 so he's pretty americanized.
He is from southern part of india, and has medium to kind of dark skin. But so far, dating an indian is the best and for real i think this guy treats me better than all my hispanic guys.
Olivia says....
I am from Barbados and I am dating an Indian guy originally from South India and moved to Bangalore. We have been together for over a year now and he is the most wonderful man a girl could wish for... I have never met his parents and don't know how they will feel about me.. I'm assuming that they probably won't like me very much seeing that I am not Indian and they are very traditional but I don't care.... They dont speak like one single word of English so that is one communication barrier...But where him and I are concerned we are very much in love and happy.
It was hard at first especially dealing with the cultural differences when related to language because words mean different things and at first I wasn't even aware that I was offending him sometimes with the things that I would say , till I explained what they meant and they he understood. But with time we got to learn each other and now I can say that we are happy and very much in love
How do I get rid of a very clingy Indian guy? I only agreed to meet him for coffee but he became very possessive & attached too rapidly for me to know what's what. He propositioned me very quickly then when it seemed he would lose me, he agreed to be platonic so I could get to know him better. Pretty soon he resumed propositioning & coming onto me & was incapable of taking me seriously (takes males achievements more seriously even when we have the same if not better qualification achievements).
Turns out fair skin is seen as highly desirable where he's from. The fairer-skinned brides, often come with larger dowries so he's wanting white women to marry & simply wants me for one thing.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/05/03/AR2008050302146.html
Because he's so clingy & dependent & doesn't accept being platonic, I want to drop him but he doesn't take no for an answer.
Tiffany, Wispylass and others: All Indian men are not the same. I would love to meet up with you sometime and show you that there are very romanic and level headed Indian men out there who treat women in the highest esteem. In fact Indian men make the best husbands. If you want to be my friend, write to me: "ecotrin" at hot. mail . Hope to hear soon. Sam.
Yeah, you are right,"Indian men make the best husbands".
In response to Anonymous on 10/17/2008, sorry but it is not considered a prize for Indian men or women that they "found a white wife." You are the easiest women to have sex with and marry if he has a career. There are numerous African, Chinese, Mexican men who "coveted" a white wife because their wallets were thick or they had a career. In fact, it is glaringly obvious that your whole culture in "your majority" countries is that of being nude for whole populations of men for $20 and a tip.
Indian women are raised completely different than you, and so are the men. Your movies are even extremely aggressive showcasing your "deluded white supremacy" and "white nudity." Our families have sat down to watch thirty actions, dramas, comedies in a row where we were force fed your nude parts (or your males) and in 70years Bollywood has been making films, there has been one nude scene.
You are extremely sexually aggressive for any man who has any type of career, and that is all you have ever been raised on. While Indian women and men have been raised on aartis, pujas, religion on daily basis. You do not hold a candle.
Your marriage statistics, let's start with them: 80% divorce rate for "American" families after seven years, nursing homes in every city where you throw your parents (if you still know both of the,) once they reach a certain age, and have become "burdensome"...most of your families are ridden with stepparents situations, while in India or the Indians here you will never find that (because of the Indian women silly girl).
your sexual promiscuity (your one true religion) starts at the top trickling down effect to the bottom-- whether its Madonna selling orgies filled book "Sex" to her teenage audience to disgusting Samantha Fox telling teenagers to "touch her" with camera focused on her breasts for 5 minutes. Your herpes statistics are: 1/4 has some form of it (oral or genital) and it is transmitted with the use of condoms, even your celebrities all have it! It is an epidemic here! Your HIV is sky high, WHO (UN) 1 million /pop 300 million have it, not just the homosexuals. After the monkey Britney kissed Aguilera the whole teenage population participated in fake lesbianism (HPV, 70% of women are carrying this disease- it is oral or genital as well and also passed with condoms and where there are no symptoms just like Herpes).
You were not raised with an ounce of what Indian men or Indian women were raised with, but this blog is expected, since India has struggled blood, sweat, and tears to overcome the looting of the British (all our diamonds taken including largest Hope and Kohinoor) and the giving of a third of our land to your Abrahamic friends, the Muslims (who have 7 100% Islamic countries).
India finally has its first porn star, Priya Rai, and porn though illegal in India there are some good websites for Desis (desipornmovies.com and masalapornmovies.com)....so Indian men, get over your brainwashing, they have been the most equipped off the world's riches and slave taking to "market their meat" in best way possible, your Indian women are timid to an extent, and it has been a failing.
you can see online profiles of these womens aggressive tactics : they are nude spreading their legs on a bed in tiny dress or showing all of their breasts flesh but nipples for potential "clients", I mean boyfriends, while your Indian sisters have been raised on complete modesty, especially in public.
see if my comment stays.
The good news is that when Indian men marry foreign women, the Indian genes are dominant & male genes may be more dominant than female genes. In almost every scenario we have seen Indian male with foreign female (Chinese or Anglo), every single kid looks like him :) the few families we have seen of Anglo males and Indian females, the kids come out in between, but mostly his skin color...but any Indians reading this, understand, that we have come across these inter racial marriages and more often than not the kids come out confused, and the mothers will usually not allow the kids to have as much pride or love for all things India (whether the country, religion, customs, diet) nor are they even aware of any aspect as your own Indian men or women are. Those same kids unless both parents love all things India as much as Indian wife & husband typically do...will more often than not marry foreigners. Same thing happens with their kids. Your culture, religion, everything you were raised with will be gone by the next generation, and definitely the one after. Unless the kids are seeing their Indian mother (if she marries foreign) or their foreign mother (if Indian man marries) doing all the relevant pujas we did on consistent basis, aartis on daily basis, temple going constantly as we did, and have the prayer room, and eat the fresh Vegetarian food we did daily from time of being little, then the kids will definitely marry outside...we have seen this, trust me....products of inter racial marriages who know nothing about India or what Indian parents can only teach them (scores of customs and traditions) pass nothing down.
So go for it, if you find someone who wants to learn everything Indian and loves India as much as Indian parents love their own children and everything they were taught generations down, including all the religious ceremonies as well as daily Indian food :) if not, you are taking a gamble and sacrificing everything your parents struggled to raise you (whether racism) or many other obstacles on top of the traditions they gave you...
I am a coloured mixed race Maori woman, NOT white but pretty fair skinned. (Lighter skinned than my Indian ex-"friend" is). We’re not all honkys or yanks for that matter.
I too was raised very differently to the usual white women but Mumbai man made it clear he only wanted to use me &/or my similarly light brown female relatives for unpaid prostitutes. The whiter relatives he’d expected to marry him!
We are NOT haole or Pakeha people! As a child, it was so strict, if I even had boy classmates at school pre-puberty, my old-fashioned patriarchal father became unbearable. Do NOT confuse us native and indigenous women w/ those cheap Pakeha Sheila’s you drooled over in the American porno movies, just b/c we are colonised and oppressed by white British colonial invaders! Be glad you Indians still retain your languages and culture. We're still trying to save ours!!!
As girls we weren't even allowed scented soaps, by our father, let alone any perfumes. Lipstick was considered the surest sign of a cheap whore!
So NO I wasn't looking for a relationship at all. Let alone a sexual relationship, like some sort of cheap, temporary booty girl, outside of marriage. Mr. Mumbai came onto me, it is he who was the aggressive one, he w/the one-tracked mind, he who is ALWAYS on the make.
When Mr. Mumbai realised it was inappropriate to sexually harass me, he then apologized. I ignored him but he kept pestering me, pushy as ever. He tricked me when he agreed to platonic friendship but only masqueraded as a friend when he knew I was lonely, vulnerable & grief stricken over the death of my twin sister. He had NO ethics. We were only classmates at university, post graduate school, NOT dating – but though not his girlfriend, he expected sexual favours from me at EVERY opportunity.
If it weren’t for LL I’d have wondered if such old-fashioned male chauvinist pigs were all that came out of your country. But I have hope for a younger, more educated generation, having read the neat stuff this boy writes.
In truth, Mr. Mumbai had wanted to use me for sex right from the outset. As LL points out, the guy’s 1st intentions would always show up (Sexist didn't take my achievements/intellect seriously, he wanted male privilege w/out the responsibilities of a MAN). I hoped I was safe from his sexual harassments while he dated white women as potential brides. But oh no! He expected me to be his FREE whore so he could pretend to be a gentleman to the white fiancées while being dishonourable towards me.
In fact he's DESPERATE for a white bride. He doesn't want Indian women or other non-white brides.
Mr. Mumbai had assumed I was a white woman at first b/c I am a fairer skinned Maori but when he realised I wasn’t completely white; he actively dated white women of independent means, for potential brides. In other words he wants a free ride and I was simply an object to Mr. Mumbai.
Like that Washington Post article says; the fairer skinned the better the prospects. And this Mr. Mumbai was born at the tail end of the dowry era.
Thank goodness for the younger, more enlightened generation I now see in the likes of LL and the other younger men I meet at university. Those old dinosaurs like Mr. Mumbai should fade away gracefully and not continue to embarrass these young men by sexist and RACIST his double standards.
Having trouble logging in & editing but you get the gist of my posts. Basically we don't want to date those old-fashioned sleazo dinosaurs. Secondly American porn movies do not accurately depict all non-Indian women. By the same token, the aforementioned lecherous male chauvinist pervert, does not personify today's younger Indian man http://blog.libranlover.net/2006/04/dating-indian-men-ii.html?commentPage=2
The loser is quite racist. He wants a white status symbol bride to show off he's made it! He only wants to use brown girls to get his rocks off. We’re not white enough for him to take home to mummy n Mumbai. He thinks brown girls are of little value, other than for sex. I am whiter than him. So the racist should look in the mirror and decolonise. He has bought into the colonial lie about the inferiority of the darker skin colour and those old colonial attitudes about darker women having little else going for us other than as sexual beings. If you do not believe me there are many studies which expose such beliefs towards non-white women.
In response to Anonymous on 10/17/2008, sorry but it is not considered a prize for Indian men or women that they "found a white wife." You are the easiest women to have sex with and marry if he has a career. There are numerous African, Chinese, Mexican men who "coveted" a white wife because their wallets were thick or they had a career. In fact, it is glaringly obvious that your whole culture in "your majority" countries is that of being nude for whole populations of men for $20 and a tip.
Indian women are raised completely different than you, and so are the men. Your movies are even extremely aggressive showcasing your "deluded white supremacy" and "white nudity." Our families have sat down to watch thirty actions, dramas, comedies in a row where we were force fed your nude parts (or your males) and in 70years Bollywood has been making films, there has been one nude scene.
You are extremely sexually aggressive for any man who has any type of career, and that is all you have ever been raised on. While Indian women and men have been raised on aartis, pujas, religion on daily basis. You do not hold a candle.
Your marriage statistics, let's start with them: 80% divorce rate for "American" families after seven years, nursing homes in every city where you throw your parents (if you still know both of the,) once they reach a certain age, and have become "burdensome"...most of your families are ridden with stepparents situations, while in India or the Indians here you will never find that (because of the Indian women silly girl).
your sexual promiscuity (your one true religion) starts at the top trickling down effect to the bottom-- whether its Madonna selling orgies filled book "Sex" to her teenage audience to disgusting Samantha Fox telling teenagers to "touch her" with camera focused on her breasts for 5 minutes. Your herpes statistics are: 1/4 has some form of it (oral or genital) and it is transmitted with the use of condoms, even your celebrities all have it! It is an epidemic here! Your HIV is sky high, WHO (UN) 1 million /pop 300 million have it, not just the homosexuals. After the monkey Britney kissed Aguilera the whole teenage population participated in fake lesbianism (HPV, 70% of women are carrying this disease- it is oral or genital as well and also passed with condoms and where there are no symptoms just like Herpes).
You were not raised with an ounce of what Indian men or Indian women were raised with, but this blog is expected, since India has struggled blood, sweat, and tears to overcome the looting of the British (all our diamonds taken including largest Hope and Kohinoor) and the giving of a third of our land to your Abrahamic friends, the Muslims (who have 7 100% Islamic countries).
India finally has its first porn star, Priya Rai, and porn though illegal in India there are some good websites for Desis (desipornmovies.com and masalapornmovies.com)....so Indian men, get over your brainwashing, they have been the most equipped off the world's riches and slave taking to "market their meat" in best way possible, your Indian women are timid to an extent, and it has been a failing.
you can see online profiles of these womens aggressive tactics : they are nude spreading their legs on a bed in tiny dress or showing all of their breasts flesh but nipples for potential "clients", I mean boyfriends, while your Indian sisters have been raised on complete modesty, especially in public.
see if my comment stays.
The good news is that when Indian men marry foreign women, the Indian genes are dominant & male genes may be more dominant than female genes. In almost every scenario we have seen Indian male with foreign female (Chinese or Anglo), every single kid looks like him :) the few families we have seen of Anglo males and Indian females, the kids come out in between, but mostly his skin color...but any Indians reading this, understand, that we have come across these inter racial marriages and more often than not the kids come out confused, and the mothers will usually not allow the kids to have as much pride or love for all things India (whether the country, religion, customs, diet) nor are they even aware of any aspect as your own Indian men or women are. Those same kids unless both parents love all things India as much as Indian wife & husband typically do...will more often than not marry foreigners. Same thing happens with their kids. Your culture, religion, everything you were raised with will be gone by the next generation, and definitely the one after. Unless the kids are seeing their Indian mother (if she marries foreign) or their foreign mother (if Indian man marries) doing all the relevant pujas we did on consistent basis, aartis on daily basis, temple going constantly as we did, and have the prayer room, and eat the fresh Vegetarian food we did daily from time of being little, then the kids will definitely marry outside...we have seen this, trust me....products of inter racial marriages who know nothing about India or what Indian parents can only teach them (scores of customs and traditions) pass nothing down.
So go for it, if you find someone who wants to learn everything Indian and loves India as much as Indian parents love their own children and everything they were taught generations down, including all the religious ceremonies as well as daily Indian food :) if not, you are taking a gamble and sacrificing everything your parents struggled to raise you (whether racism) or many other obstacles on top of the traditions they gave you...
Anon above your american movies has just shown me why Indian men come out here and behave like we are all free whores.
Thanks for that!
There are quite strict criteria for entry to USA since 2001. So I doubt the same loser types will have as easy access.
Other western countries have less stringent entry criteria for permanent residency visas and citizenship. New Zealand for one is known as a Giant Transit Lounge or Backdoor entry to Australia because of it's lighter immigration rules.
This may in part explain the seedier sorts of migrants described above. Do not let such riff-raff cloud your judgement or influence your decision to date Indian men. Those aformentioned losers above clearly are only interested in citizenship so are there only for the short term. Such types, can never guarantee permanent, fulfilling relationships and should be steered well clear of.
I say this because my cousin's hubby was an Indian man and she had a good happy life with him. He was committed to stay in her country with her and a dedicated husband. He had seen the world and knew what he wanted and where he wanted to live when he was ready to settle down. He was not a citizenship crook who couldn't get into Australia or America any other way like the parasitic types mentioned. He worked to support himself, his wife and their family until illness struck and then finally death.
Everyone misses him.
JJ
Anon,08/17/2009 thanks for that. You have such beautiful women in India I do not understand why anyone would possibly want a white woman.
However you have cleared up something about the lack of divorce rates in your country. The particular Indian guy we all have come to know, was from a broken marriage. His father had abandoned them and created another family with his mistress elsewhere in India. Maybe that's why this 42 y/o wanderer is such a womaniser and vagabond.
Perhaps this also explains why he spurns his own race and seeks a white wife but expects to exploit kind hearted brown women for free tramps.
The only thing you haven't cleared up about wanting whiteness is this, we notice a proliferation of skin whitening potions in Indian shops just as that newspaper item pointed out.
Why is that so?
Kiwi mum
India comes as 90% tan with beautiful features...the question you ask could be pointed at Hollywood stars who bleach their skin ie Nicole Kidman & many others. When it comes to beauty men enjoy a beautiful made up face (as do women)--- fair in India does not mean white; it means light wheatish skin. There is a small population of women with very dark skin who may have trouble finding mate. This is the real problem. Any Indian man you come across as majority of us have wheat skin tone does not look in the mirror and say "I wish I were lighter" nor do the women. I grew up my whole life in love with my beauty & constantly approached by all men, stared at, told I was beautiful even by good looking strangers; I have wheat skin &beautiful features (knock on wood).
The problem is: Bollywood to be competitive has been showing "extra white" actress (clearly not a true representation of the majority demographic) with normal Indian guy- we have always been popular in Russia, South America;it has to do with selling & marketing & competing in world market.
The fact is Priyanka Chopra, Bipasha Basu are just emerging actresses who are portraying the wheat skin beauty along with the wheat skin beautiful man Hrithik or Abichek or Bobby Deol as the main star...so more will come.
It is the light tan to medium tan skin we love (if that was not true the male actors would also have whitish skin tone as the female actresses).
I hope I answered. The Fair &Lovely is marketed for the very dark Indian girls.
We're not Indian.
We're Hindu. HINDU MEANS GOING TO THE TEMPLE FAIRLY CONSISTENLY GROWING UP, HINDU MOTHERS DID AARTHIS, AND ALSO ATTENDED PUJAS FOR VARIOUS LIF EVENTS, AND QUITE A FEW RELIGIOUS HOLIDAYS! YOU ARE ATHEISTS, Catholic, Protestant, Christian...and your whole culture is being nude for all men.
India never in its thousands of years history (during after befre British robbing India for100 years) had strip clubs nude women doing dances for all men.
we are not the same cultures. Your own failures, high divorce rates, step parents in every other family, sending your parents off to nursing homes
does not excuse the fact that you are so pathetic in your quest for "techie career" guy who was possibly "raised well",
he was RAISED WELL BY HIS FAMILY, HIS HINDU MOTHER, HIS HINDU FATHER, HIS WHOLE HINDU CULTURE OF GOING TO TEMPLES WEEKLY, EATING FRESH VEGETARIAN INDIAN FOOD DAILY, HIS HINDU GRANDPARENTS.
EVERYTHING YOU ARE NOT HINDU MEN AND HINDU WOMEN ARE.
STOP OUT OF SOME PRIDE BEING THE ALCOHOLIC STRIPPER FOR CULTURE GOLD DIGGERS YOU ARE.
KIDS OF MULTI RACIAL MULTI RELIGIOS PARENTS COME OUT MOSTLY CONFUSED, ATHEIST, AND YES, THEY ASSIMILATE TO MCDONALDS & BRITNEY SPEARS STRIP CLUB DANCES CULTURE
BUT THEY ARE NO WHERE INDIAN! EVERYTHING HE IS THAT HIS HINDU MOTHER AND HINDU FATHER RAISED HIM TO BE THAT YOU ARE NOT!
HE IS NOT CATHOLIC OR CHRISTIAN!! AND MOST OF YOU ARE ACTING CATHOLICS...THE "RESPECTABLE ONES" MARRY THEIR OWN RELIGION!!
AND IF YOU ARE TYPICAL GOLD DIGGING ATHEIST YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER HIM BUT WHAT YOUR WHOLE CULTURE OFFERS! 30 MOVIES IN A ROW OF YOUR PALE GHOSTLY TITS OR NUDITY FOR TEENS WATCHING!
OR YOUR BRA AND UNDERWEAR!! 80% OF YOU HAVE DRUNK ALCOHOL BY 15! 1/6 TEENS ARE PREGNANT!
1/5WHITE KIDS GROW S UP WITH ONE PARENT BY 18!
EVERYTHING YOU A R E N O T DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE SUCH BEGGARS FOR MEN OR WOMEN WHO WERE RAISED NOTHING LIKE YOU! ALL THE TRADITIONS, CULTURES, THE RELIGION, THE CUSTOMS INDIAN HINDU MAN INDIAN HINDU WOMAN HAVE YOU DO NOT!!
GET A LIFE! THE WHOLE CULTURE IN UK IS BAR IN EVERY CORNER!! THATS YOUR WHOLE CULTURE HERE, BARS, AND NUDY BARS!! HINDU WOMEN ARE RAISED WITH 100% MORE CLASS IN INDIA AND HERE!
YOU AGE 5X FASTER THAN HINDU WOMEN! SEE ANVARI.ORG TYPE: CELEBRITIES WITHOUT MAKEUP
SEE TWENTY CELEBRITIES THAT HAVE AGED MISERABLY IN GOOGLE!
BECAUSE YOUR WHOLE CULTURE IS PORN, BEEF, PIGS, CHICKEN AND TURKEYS FOR DINNER YOU HAVE 1/4 HERPES PROBLEM!!
INDIAN WOMEN ARE EXTREMELY CONSERVATIVE AND RELIGIOUS!!! AND FAMILY ORIENTED, AGAIN EVERYTHING YOU ARE NOT!1
AND EVERYTHING INDIAN MEN ARE IS DUE TO HIS HINDU MOTHERS SUFFERING AND TOILING!!!
I KNOW SO MANY ORTH0DOX GREEK ITALIANS GERMANS RUSSIANS POLISH WHO ONLY MARRY WITHIN 99% OF THE TIME! EITHER FOR FELLOW WHITE SPOUSE + RELIGION OR JUST FELLOW WHITE SPOUSE TO MARRY! YOU SMELL A CAREER & YOUR CULTRE PROGRAMMED YOU TO BE NUDE FOR ALL MEN (CHEATERS, ABUSERS) FOR $20! THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE IF YOU ARE NOT A RESPECTABLE WOMAN OR MAN! THE RESPECTABLE ONES PASS THEIR OWN CULTURES, GENES, HISTORIES WHETHER JEWISH, MUSLIM, CATHOLIC, OR CHINESE.
YOUR NOT HAVING ONE (TOO BUSY MURDERING 300 MILLION MEXICANS IN SOUTH AMERICA IN 1500
S IE CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS) OR ENSLAVING AFRICANS FOR 200 YRS DOESN'T GIVE YOU A RIGHT TO
SOMEONE THAT DOES NOT COME FROM YOUR RELIGION, CULTURE! GERMAN ORTHODOX PARENTS WE KNOW ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP TO INDIAN GIRL AND TOOK SON OUT OF WILL!! MANY OTHERS WHERE THE PARENTS SAID NO!!
YOU ARE NOT ITALIAN, GERMAN, POLISH!!
AND INDIAN WOMEN DIDN'T CREATE FORUMS "HOW TO NAB A GERMAN TECHIE" WAKE UP FROM YOUR HANGOVER AND SEE HOW PATHETIC IT IS!
THT IS THEIR RIGHT! AND OURS! TO PASS OUR CULTURE, AND RELGION!! WITHIN!!
AND 3 FAMILIES OUT OF THOUSANDS THAT DIDN'T MARRY FOREIGN THAT WE KNOW WHERE INDIAN MAN MARRIED KOREAN OR WHITE WOMAN, THE KIDS LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE CAME OUT LOOKING LIKE HIM!
BUT CONFUSED CULTURE ROBBING AND GOLD DIGGING ATHEISTS!! JUST LIKE YOU!!
For PROOF WHITE WOMEN AGE MUCH FASTER THAN INDIAN HINDU WOMEN SEE MELANIN + SKIN DAMAGE IN GOOGLE! IT AGES 3X FASTER & 10X GREATER RISK TO SUN DAMAGE!
WOMEN HAVE THINNER SKIN SO YOU BY 40 YOU HAVE TONS OF WRINKLES AND THINNED SKIN WHILE INDIAN HINDU WOMEN WITH THEIR BEAUTIFUL TANS ARE STILL YOUNG LOOKING PAST 60!
Kia ora!
Thank you to the lovely lady who explained about 'The Fair &Lovely' skin whitening preparations. 8/21/2009 11:28:00 AM We are pleased to learn your perspective on that Washington Post 'Fairness Is a Growth Industry' article about 'Fair and Handsome' & such male skin-lightening creams that are "exploding in popularity in small towns and cities across India." It says for Indian women, fair skin has long been a symbol of affluence and status and that the young, up-and-coming Indian male wants to look fair and therefore rich.
I know its a sign of a colonised mentality which spurns his own race and sees white wives to be first prize while non white women as only beings of little or no other worth or intelligence. However I could not understand why any Indian man would possibly want to use (objectify) and dishonour kind hearted/hospitable brown skinned girls but actively seek and date white women as potential brides. IMHO Indian women (& brown women in general) are such beautiful women as the post following yours suggests (I am of course biased towards coloured people).
Kiwi Mum
Okay, let's try this again...90% of India is a beautiful wheat tan. You don't say "White men PREFER darker beauties" do you even though bronzer is sold in every store & salon & millions of white women buy instant tanning products? Your perception that white women are "first prize" is your perception.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...Indian women have their own distinct features, large doe eyes, beautiful golden tan skin, they are also 1rst prize to their men...India is not a population of 1 billion hybrids nor will it ever be. In same way millions of Jewish, French Catholics, Irish Catholics don't marry each other. We are Hindus, not Catholics, not atheists, not Jewish, and not Muslim.
India's perception of "fairness" is light wheat skin. If we wanted to be white: you would see all the male actors with "white skin" --- you are first prize for your self, please don;t impose your beliefs on millions who find their own as first prize. &Ultimately, all races are intrigued by other races. Indian men love Japanese women, Mexican women, white women in same view, they are all beautiful, but no one is as first prize as his own beauty or his wife's or his mother's....
We're not Indian.
We're Hindu. HINDU MEANS GOING TO THE TEMPLE FAIRLY CONSISTENLY GROWING UP, HINDU MOTHERS DID AARTHIS & GAVE PRASAD, AND ALSO ATTENDED PUJAS FOR VARIOUS LIF EVENTS, AND QUITE A FEW RELIGIOUS HOLIDAYS! YOU ARE ATHEISTS, Catholic, Protestant, Christian...and your whole culture is being nude for all men.
India never in its thousands of years history (during after befre British robbing India for100 years) had strip clubs nude women doing dances for all men.
STOP OUT OF SOME PRIDE BEING THE ALCOHOLIC STRIPPER FOR CULTURE GOLD DIGGERS YOU ARE.
KIDS OF MULTI RACIAL MULTI RELIGIOS PARENTS COME OUT MOSTLY CONFUSED, ATHEIST, AND YES, THEY ASSIMILATE TO MCDONALDS & BRITNEY SPEARS STRIP CLUB DANCES CULTURE
HE/SHE IS NOT CATHOLIC OR CHRISTIAN!! AND MOST OF YOU ARE ACTING CATHOLICS...THE "RESPECTABLE ONES" MARRY THEIR OWN RELIGION!! FRENCH CATHOLICS MARRY THEIR OWN OR OTHER CATHOLICS! GERMANS, IRISH CATHOLICS MARRY THEIR OWN, CHINESE MARRY THEIR OWN!! IT IS THEIR CHOICE! YOU R AS MUCH AS A PRIZE AS AN ATHEIST, A BEAUTIFUL MEXICAN WOMAN IS, A CHINESE WOMAN IS, IF HE OR SHE DOESN'T CARE FOR HIS CULTURE RELIGION, THEN YOU HAVE YOUR CHANCE. BUT I HAVE NEVER SEEN IN MY LIFE MALE CATHOLICS BEGGING TO MARRY FOREIGN WOMEN!
AND IF YOU ARE TYPICAL GOLD DIGGING ATHEIST YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER HIM BUT WHAT YOUR WHOLE CULTURE OFFERS! 30 MOVIES IN A ROW OF NUDITY FOR TEENS WATCHING! OR A CULTURE OF MOMS & SISTERS GETTING NUDE FOR ALL THE MEN IN THE CITY FOR $20!
80% OF YOU HAVE DRUNK ALCOHOL BY 15! 1/6 TEENS ARE PREGNANT!
1/5WHITE KIDS GROW S UP WITH ONE PARENT BY 18!
GET A LIFE! THE WHOLE CULTURE IN UK IS BAR IN EVERY CORNER!! THATS YOUR WHOLE CULTURE HERE, BARS, AND NUDY BARS!! HINDU WOMEN ARE RAISED WITH 100% MORE CLASS IN INDIA AND HERE!
YOU AGE 5X FASTER THAN HINDU WOMEN! SEE ANVARI.ORG TYPE: CELEBRITIES WITHOUT MAKEUP
SEE TWENTY CELEBRITIES THAT HAVE AGED MISERABLY IN GOOGLE!
BECAUSE YOUR WHOLE CULTURE IS PORN, BEEF, PIGS, CHICKEN AND TURKEYS FOR DINNER YOU HAVE 1/4 HERPES PROBLEM!!
I KNOW SO MANY ORTH0DOX GREEK ITALIANS GERMANS RUSSIANS POLISH WHO ONLY MARRY WITHIN 99% OF THE TIME! EITHER FOR FELLOW WHITE SPOUSE + RELIGION OR JUST FELLOW WHITE SPOUSE TO MARRY, THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE IF YOU ARE NOT A RESPECTABLE WOMAN OR MAN! THE RESPECTABLE ONES PASS THEIR OWN CULTURES, GENES, HISTORIES WHETHER JEWISH, MUSLIM, CATHOLIC, OR CHINESE.
ERMAN ORTHODOX PARENTS WE KNOW ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP TO INDIAN GIRL AND TOOK SON OUT OF WILL!! MANY OTHERS WHERE THE PARENTS SAID NO!
AND INDIAN HINDU WOMEN DIDN'T CREATE FORUMS "HOW TO NAB A GERMAN TECHIE" WAKE UP FROM YOUR HANGOVER AND SEE HOW PATHETIC IT IS!
THT IS THEIR RIGHT! AND OURS! TO PASS OUR CULTURE, AND RELGION!! WITHIN!! WHITE WOMEN MARRY AFRICAN, MEXICAN, CHINSE, ANYTHING IF HE HAS A WALLET!! BUT I KNOW THERE ARE MANY FOREIGN OR WHITE WOMEN WHO ALSO COME FROM RESPECTABLE CATHOLIC FAMILIES & NEITHER THE SONS OR DAUGHTERS ARE ALLOWED TO MARRY OUTSIDE RELIGION!
AND 3 FAMILIES OUT OF THOUSANDS THAT DIDN'T MARRY FOREIGN THAT WE KNOW WHERE INDIAN MAN MARRIED KOREAN OR WHITE WOMAN, THE KIDS LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE CAME OUT LOOKING LIKE HIM! &EACH OF THE KIDS IS DIVORCED FROM THEIR CONFUSED MULTI CULTURAL MULTI OR NON RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING!
ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL, NO ONE IS A PRIZE TO ONE GROUP OF MEN, OR THE OTHER. TRY NOT TO INSULT 400 MILLION HINDU INDIAN MEN WHO ARE HAPPY WITH THEIR 400 MILLION HINDU INDIAN WIVES. THEY ARE PRIZES FOR EACH OTHER IN SAME WAY RUSSIAN CATHOLIC MEN ARE PRIZES FOR THEIR RUSSIAN CATHOLIC WIVES!
I see Indian women as beautiful too.
Kia ora Anon,
Thank you again for taking the time to give me your position on my question. (08/22/09)
I am an indigenous First Nation mum and grandmother to equally indigenous brown daughters and grand dtrs. I never cared to understand why white men lay in the sun to get half as brown as us, while we sat in the shade. I am not interested.
I was however interested to understand why the Indian man sexually harassed my daughters and other brown girls while on the prowl for a white-only bride. Whenever we challenged his sexual harassment he accused us of being, "racists against Indians". (He refused to be a Hindu)
So when I read the Washington Post about the lightening potions I wondered if this was behind his obsession for a white bride. Now however you've helped to explain it is perhaps unlikely and there is something wrong with the man in question.
Thank you so much once again for taking the time to explain to a humble old grandmother.
Mum/Nanna
My nieces and nephews father was Indian but their mother being kin, was of our native tribe. B/c the offspring were raised here in our culture, they became steeped in our ways, language and practises. They are tangata whenua, as are we.
It was a sad day when their father died and everyone misses him still. He was as the posts above say, a good father and husband to his wife and children. The best.
JJ
Looks to me, from what you've shared, this particular man does in fact see a white bride as the "first prize". He's the loser.
Yes he does.
He wants a WHITE BRIDE ONLY. A white bride at any cost & brown girls to get his rocks off only. Make no mistake, that is definately HIS PERSPECTIVE & is most certainly NOT mine.
To him a White wife IS the FIRST PRIZE.
Mum/Nanna
If his perception is that white is first prize then he is more than just a loser.
I feel quite upset by it all.
He made it abundantly clear Indian women were, "a**holes" White women were his be all and end all number One potential brides (1st prize) and brown girls were only good for sexual favours. He did not take brown girls/women or the achievements of same seriously. A wolf in sheep's clothing, he was always trying to get his leg over and dishonour brown females who only ever were polite/hospitable to a visitor. Our poor girls felt quite devastated and violated, after all he boasts a degree in psychology and a teacher qualification.
He was also very old-fashioned (chauvanistic) in that only men and men's achievements were taken seriously. He certainly made that very clear.
Men were superior to women, and he perceived white women superior to brown women and insisted Indian women were "all a**holes".
Having been called a white American and now a white Pom, when I am neither white, nor British nor Yank, I've given up trying to understand now.
Nanna/mum
From a couple of the above replies, it seems like he isn't the only one suffering from ignorance.
Uoa
Wants a white bride ONLY? Hates his own race? Brown women only good for sex?
YUCK!
Can someone tell me why the above double standards in male chauvinism?
Why is such a sexist is automatically some sort of stud for having dishonoured a woman if she's such a slut? Its alright for him to get his rocks off at her expense but if a woman gets led astray, cheated and taken advantage off, she's the dirty low down whore but he's the big heroic stud. Why is that acceptable?
Isn't that like locking up Little Red Riding Hood but sending the Big Bad wolf out to prey on more unsuspecting victims? Why criminalise the women when we don't blame burglary victims for having steal-able property?
Why does a man need to take advantage of a woman to prove his manhood? Where's the conquest in robbing someone of her honour??? To me it seems more like he's showing he is no better than an animal.
Having been exploited and cheated, if the girl's such a "prostitute" as the predator having got his way deems, then why is it some sort of huge validation and achievement for a man if she's so easy?
Koka
Gender bias and racism is totally pathetic. I see flood of posts here only accusing India men, and some Indian men defending or hitting back. Well! I am not sure why does so many sensible people choose to spread hatred like this. Why don't we have similar blog of other ethnic men doing crap? To everyone here - you always clap with both hands so you are equally responsible for what has happened to you. With these kinds of forums you build pre-conceived notion about a certain ethnicity. Any one reading here would treat Indians differently which is totally wrong. If I am a victim of any treatment that came with context of a pre-conceived notion, I definitely retaliate back. More than anything else you are just being racist, showing your negative issues and making life difficult for everyone including yourself.
I agree with Koka; sexism is unacceptable.
ALL misogynist men & not just Indian men - who use & abuse women are shmucks.
All men who mistreat & objectify brown/oppressed native women as being 2nd class citizens, beit to white women or 2nd class to men, deserve the crap lives they get.
I'm sorry Koka I cannot answer your questions. I do not know why some men are sexists.
It is an outdated attitude and out of step with modern society standards.
The last few commenters, both Indian and non-Indian, have really taken the quality of this discussion down a notch or two. The main purpose of my writing this article was to help some people gain a better understanding of the actions, motivations and cultures of their Indian boyfriends. It was certainly not to pass judgments on an entire race or to indulge in arguments about which race is superior.
I see many comments on this blog, under this post and under other posts on this topic. I also regularly get a bunch of emails about this topic with questions and comments from different people. In most cases, the questions, comments and issues have very little to do with the fact that the guy they are talking about happens to be Indian. More than 90% of the time, it is a typical male-female relationship issue or a general human issue, that is universal in nature and has nothing specific to do with Indians.
Come on, everybody. You are all adults who post here. Not starry-eyed teenagers. Please realize that there are bad people in every race and ethnicity. Please think a little about your situations and check if it's really got something to do with a person's ethnicity or if it is a general relationship problem which could happen with a person from any race or country. It is more likely that your problems could have happened with any person. Remember, nobody can really take advantage of you repeatedly, unless you let them.
Also remember: it is the nature of Internet forums such as these that only people with problems or issues come here and speak up. Only people with problems have the loudest voices. For every person here who has had bad experiences, there must be so many more who have good or normal experiences with Indian men. It's just that they don't feel especially compelled to post their stories on here. That is just human nature.
Relax and be happy.
LL
It has been established that the loser guy described in the posts above is an individual and a sad excuse for a MAN at that. He is thankfully NOT representative of all Indian men or men in general.
Keep up the good work.
Phew! Thank goodness for that!
It is important to note that you will find in many situations Indian male who married foreign woman: (Chinese or White) the kids have his skin tone, every single last kids. Out of four families we know, this has been the case.
WE know three families where it is white male with foreign woman and the kids look more like him in terms of skin tone, it may be coincidence...
but .B Davenport in 1913 discovered that skin color in human beings is controlled by three genes. So even Micheal Jackson has all the genes dominant(which simply means he is dark in complexion) and marries a white or fair colored women there is at least 1 in 64 chances of his children being fair." (p.s. MJ used new technology of gene therapy-isolating his genes!...
Ultimately...you do not see blogs of Indian women going crazy to marry foreign - same reason you do not see German Catholics, Irish Catholics, Russian Catholics, or Jewish vying for foreign mate. It is because of something they know very well being raised in homogenous setting : 2 like parents with 2 like values, religion, food, customs and traditions breeds = 2 healthy well adjusted children.
In every situation, we know of that there is inter ethnic mixing or inter religious mixing, the kids end up atheist or culturally confused. They are not as fulfilled. Thousands of Indian families we know here, just like the Euro Christian families or Muslim families who marry within community: they have minimal divorce rates & happy families & a big part of their life is their respective Catholic, Hindu, Muslim, or Jewish community life...
it's not to say these inter marriages cannot be successful, just that there is a very sound reason the homogenous marriages stay in tact..& are happier on the whole.
& it really isn't fair to say anyone is a racist. How can you call the world a racist when we personally know of Italian Catholics, Germans, Jewish, Muslims who completely forbid marrying outside & to the point they break the relationships off or cut the Indian Hindu women out of the will. Are they racist? In the end, those that have values, a religion, genetics, cultures, history, and pride in them are not "racist" for forbiddng outside marriages it is a birth right to those who wish for it. Millions of Catholics choose to marry only fellow European Catholics...so are they racist? Absolutely not. Nor is anyone else. It is a fact that children have a much easier time adusting to parents who have the same culture, religion, taste in food...etc...millions of us literally grew up with parents who cooked fresh Vegetarian Indian food on daily basis (though allowed us to eat meat minimally outside of home)....I am sure Jewish, and CAtholic also have similar diet among them they pass on to their children, same with customs, religion etc, and all other traditions.
What an interesting blog! Thank you Libran Lover.
To the mama of the native women whom were expected to be unpaid whores for an Indian man so he could find white women for brides:
I know it’s hard to understand someone's behaviours when you do not know any/many Indian men but he seems bizarre. You tried to understand his bigamy but if its true, he accused you of racism, you would never get an honest answer from a dishonourable man. Sorry to say but it would take a fair amount of self-loathing for him to hate his own people and to actively seek white women as his ideal mate and native/coloured women for sex. He has no ethics and his bias for trophy brides speaks for itself.
My father was Indian. My mother was a Cook Island woman as am I because we were raised in the Pacific as Cook Islanders. I have never been to India so cannot comment how it is over there. But our Indian relatives are disgusted @ the way that amoral man behaved and send sincerest regards to you and your family for your pain. He is not normal. My dad was never like that.
Sexual harassment is degrading and traumatic - believe me I've suffered it by arrogant white slimy males who devalue coloured/native women as being little more than sex objects, of no value as sentient, worthy human beings. It’s both sexist and racist. But it’s worse when that racist sexual harassment comes from another coloured/oppressed minority - a visitor whom was accepted as a guest. As a migrant to a colonised nation, by rights, he should align with the indigenous persons in solidarity, esp. in their own country – not violate them.
We note your pain and thwarted attempts here to make sense of what happened to your family. But as the LL says, this is the Internet and the abuse, misunderstandings and slanging matches are part of the nature of this medium. Try not to take it too seriously.
If it’s any consolation you could report this man to your country's immigration authorities. It is blatantly clear he is unfit for citizenship in yours or any other country. Taking this step may help protect other vulnerable people and bring about closure for your family.
Kura
I am divorced, through no fault of my own. My "husband" simply used my family and me to get citizenship, and then discarded me for his fiancée back in his country. I couldn't be bothered marrying again and did not want to have relationships with men outside of marriage so enjoyed lots of casual, platonic male friends. Some would like more but respect me/our friendship enough not to pressure me.
However an Indian man in our night-school course latched on. I agreed to have a cup of char with him, be polite and decent. I could only offer platonic friendship, which he agreed to. However he'd kept pestering me, making inappropriate sexual suggestions, when I'd told him emphatically I did not wish to have a relationship. He didn't take me seriously at all, though he'd been seeing another woman. He believed it ok to try to bed me, while he was dating single women to marry. I was just stunned like a mullet fish. He claimed to be a gentleman!
He became very possessive and clingy. For a fully-grown man he lacks confidence, maturity and is constantly seeking approval and love. I feel like he wants me to be his mother, with "extras". He is in his 40's but on the ph to his mother back in India every day or talks to her on the Internet for hours every day. It seems he cannot think for himself, or move a muscle without her approval, instructions and guidance. He's middle aged! He expects women to look out for him and look after him yet he's a grown man. On the other hand, he seems to think I don't have a mind of my own, that women can't think for ourselves. Despite his dependence I still get the impression that women are second-class citizens, not to be taken seriously. (Someone told me it was his culture!) Why the contradictions? He’s meant to be so educated?!
It's obvious he's incapable of an equal and platonic relationship. He's too patriarchal and complicated but also very, very dependent on his mother and seems to expect to be mothered. I thought he was a nice, intelligent, educated, sensitive adult man at first but he's basically an overgrown big baby.
My question is; is it true Indian men regard divorced women like 2nd hand goods, or believe it's okay to have a relationship with them and not be committed? If it's true then I will employ whatever means possible to get away from him.
My Indian friends (women) complain that Indian men have no balls and no sense of responsibility. They say the men use their culture to hide behind so as to avoid responsibility and so just want to have their fun but no respect for women, except their mother. It is true what my girlfriends say; Indian men enjoy using the freedom loving Western ways to disrespect women?
I share the computers with friends so having arrived at this blog, am finding your page so very informative. Thank you! Even the negative feedback is educational! Please bear with me and forgive my lack of knowledge because I don't know any other Indian men personally and really am confused by my circumstances.
Thank you.
Rena
Stereotypes from a bygone era. Divorce still isn't as common though, so not surprising your Indian female friends are concerned. Are your g/friends married?
Divorcee may probably need to cruise a number of other blogs. They give links to this and other similar blog sites which will clarify things for you.
As for no one being able to repeatedly do things to people if they don't allow it, there are vulnerable women for whom this is untrue. Their reality having had personal boundaries violated seriously in childhood or early adulthood shapes the way they inter-relate. Vulnerable individuals, sexual abuse and child abuse victims are easy prey for sleazy slumdog men with NO ETHICS.
Have a read of the other blogs, they build on the excellent work done here by LL, so complement this site. You'll enjoy them.
Kruze
Enjoying the ongoing learning/sharing. Thanks LL!
SPEAKING OF CONFUSED CHILDREN!
EVERY SINGLE KID FROM THE HINDU INDIAN MALE AND WHITE FOREIGN ATHEIST FEMALE "OR NEW CONVERT TO HINDU" FOR SAKE OF "RE CONQUERING INDIA"
OR THE MEN WHAT HAVE YOU - IMAGINE THE PAIN OF THIS "MEXICAN LOOKING DAUGHTER OR SON" WITH A WHITE MOM! HAVE SOME FUCKING COMPASSION!
THIS IN A WORLD WHICH IS M&M BAG! THE AWKWARDNESS OF IT! GROWING UP HERE, US "MEXICAN" INDIAN LOOKING HINDU GIRLS RARELY HAD "FRIENDSHIPS WITH FELLOW WHITE WOMEN! NOT COMFORTABLE AS A WHOLE! FEELING LIKE "A CONQUERED MEXICAN GIRL" WITH HER CONQUEROR MURDERING MEXICANS MOM!
HORRIBLE!
Divorcee, you got yourself what is known as a parasite. You get these found in every country. Such will hide behind their culture and accusations of racism to manipulate you. Do not waste your time. They are relics from a recent past but are a disgrace to the younger, smarter, intelligent, educated, working young Indian men.
If he has no job, nor car, nor apartment/room mate of his own, he's a leech. Go for the above smarter Indian guys.
There are many Indian Christians and Indian Muslims here who Indian Hindus r likely to marry for same reason. To marry foreigners: it is inter cultural inter race inter religious, but even within our own race, we do not marry when it is different religion..
I’ve had a BAD relationship with an Indian man & this blog has helped me understand and heal from the hurt. Thank you all!
At 41 this man is unmarried and STILL such a mummy’s boy! His mother did everything for him and the Indian women friends I have; say the men go from their mothers to their wives, who in turn spoil their husbands also. Why would he bother coming all this way from home only to ring and consult “Mom” every day back in India??? Can he not think for himself? After all he is “educated” so has 4 tertiary qualifications?
Why is it b/c I’m divorced (through no fault of my own) and non-Euro, I’m looked upon as “easy” and only a 2nd class woman, a sex object by Indian me? It’s bad enough white men see us native women as that!! I’m not white so only for illicit sex, not good enough for marriage? He definitely prefers white women as potential brides, to show he’s made it!!!!
Reading the blogs I now understand why he treated me so badly. I am native NOT white & as I said, divorced. So all the time he was trying to get me into bed, by feigning friendship, he was dating and looking for white girls to marry. He refused to take me seriously or my achievements and definitely did not believe I did not want sex outside of marriage.
Now I realize from the blog pages, how it’s looked as being detrimental, my having been an abandoned wife. That it’s a token thing for some brainwashed Indians to have a white woman. I always got that impression from him, that white was right, yet he was dark chocolate colored! I feel so betrayed that a fellow colonized person would see me as inferior for not being white enough, though I as mixed race am whiter than he.
On the other page I see LL has said Indian men prefer white women to any other ethnic groups, because being fair-skinned is equated to being better looking in India, and that has percolated into our (sub) consciousness. Many Indian men seem to want to score white women because she is a status symbol... like a new car. "Hey come and see what I got." A white woman is a fantasy. My “friend” had that fantasy!
It’s sad that Indians are made to be ashamed of their skin tone - that light is right. It is NOT but that attitude is certainly true of my former friend, yet he is a very dark skinned Indian. I’m whiter than he BUT white skinned women were what he actively sought out. He secretly only wanted me for his free whore b/c despite my being mixed race, I wasn’t quite white enough.
How many Desi men do you know seek out a "dark" bride? Reading matrimonial ads in the Indian newspapers you couldn't help noticing how everyone wants a "fair" bride. Why?
Indian's would have to be very brainwashed by silly Western, European and American racism to see white as the epitome of success. It’s been my experience that Indian and non-Indians have an image of Black/colored/darker woman having loose and low morals I.e. only for sex.
I now understand from the blogs and replies how imperialism obviously did take quite a toll on India...left the Indians feeling inferior to the white skin. A white woman is a trophy for many Indian men yet there are so many Indian women, who are beautiful, smart and have a great personality. But inter-racial dating turns on our Indian guys.
It was definately his cultural attitudes to women (divorced) and other races,(whites, non-whites) why he looked down on me. He believes women are to be chaste, in the kitchen and demure and subservient BUT in the West, he can have his cake and eat it too. That is all the male privileges he;d have back home but because we're independent women in the west (and seen as looser morally) without the responsibilities. Double standards.
Indeed Indian Hindu men are able to get alot of easy sex in West, see Jon Anand: 25+ women aged 14 & up in a year's time.. women in west give it to anyone for $20.. Shruthi is right, we are not Indian, we are Hindu. Muslims typically marry their own, Catholics marry their own...
If you believe "women in west give it to anyone for $20", then you've just explained the predatory & very sexist actions of certain migrants. Thank you for that.
Dumb question time:
I am always being oggled by Indian men. I say Indian because that's what the ones I've met call themselves in my country.
The younger guys (20 y/os) are always very courteous and respectful as if I'm their auntie or something. I admire their good manners.
My car broke down and the first person to help was a young 19 y/o boy. He was very sweet and kind. At the local gas station, the Indian boys are also very polite, they tell me I'm an attractive lady. (Generous boys) I'm always getting hit on or checked out by Indian men as well. I can tell the Hindu men because if they follow me around the supermarket, if I head towards the meat department, they stop looking for me.
Which brings me to my question; is it true Indian men prefer the more curvier women, rather than the stick insect boney fashion model types? Or is it that larger non-Indian women are supposedly "easier" than Miss Twiggy?
Hi ..this is a really good site to learn new things about dating indian men..i have been surfing the net and come across this site .I am dating an indian man for more than a yr now.. still his parents doesnt know about our relationship..i am somewhat older by 3 yrs. he keeps telling me it doesnt matter if his parents wont like me .. coz he already told them yrs ago that they cant dictate who he is going to marry ..but i dont understand why he cant let them know about me? is there a serious reason to his secrecy when it comes to me? his religion is hinduism and i have read and started learning how to speak indian phrases sometimes he talks to me in hindi language too ..and right now i am very confuse .. should i give up on this relationship .. cut the ties that bind and forget about him which in this case i dont even know if i will be able to ..because i do love him so much.. but lately he seems distracted and his I love Yous and kisses are non existent i have to force it out of him .. so i told him maybe time to let go of this .. but he said no .. any1 can tell me whats going on? i am so very confuse and i dont want to pressure him to do anything at all.
Debbie wrote: "...and right now i am very confuse.."
He will introduce you to his parents only if he wants to marry you, and one year is too short for that. There are numerous cases where the dating was done in secret for four years and finally ended in marriage.
If you don't get Indian culture, then why do you go out with Indian men? Do you think dating and introducing to parents are common in India? You went out with him because he is a potential high earning husband, correct? I bet he has some advanced engineering or science degree or at least an MBA. Money grabbing whores who can't even type in a proper sentence should NOT MARRY INDIAN MEN. GO WITH YOUR WHITE TRASH MONEYS.
As for the whores who come here and complain about Indian men using White women, let me tell you morons that white jerks are the ones who hang out in frat parties and bars to pick up women for a cheap lay. You whores never complain about that, do you?
You bitch and moan about being called "whores," well I am sick of being called a user or "a dark skin hater" just because I am Indian.
The last time I checked you pale pigs are the ones who spend $12 billion on tanning salons.
From a typical Indian's point of view, not necessarily mine, if you go out with different men on dates over a period of months and have had sex with atleast two of them, then you are considered a whore. So yes most white women are easy and whores, by Indian standards. And white men use women at higher proportions than Indian men.
Go fuck yourself!
The biggest problem is to pay to get membership, why would i spend my hard earned money into matrimonial or dating sites when FACEBOOK is there, guys and girls join group in facebook named, "Singles Indians in US", everything is free on facebook as far as connecting people is concerned, lets revolutionized art of connecting people by making it free, WHY PAY $$$$ ?
I am aware of middle and upper class South Asians with no sense of social conscience for their people and nation. They are ridiculous, poor photocopies of the gorai (English white people) who they so dearly want to be - brown-skinned colonial racists. As well as those people who are involved in settler-colonial tourism. I am very concerned about the lack of socially conscious patriotism amongst the privileged classes in South Asia.
When such gorai who do not make the grade for direct entry into America, they migrate to other countries in order to gain passports so they can get back-door entry into the USA.
These men are the losers & abusers who use our women whilst marking time in our country, then leave. So racist they expect whites-only brides and abuse native women, regarding us as whores, mere objects and not the First People and rightful heirs of this land. As native women we expect solidarity from fellow brown peoples, visitors to your homelands, not further colonial degradation from racist male chauvinist migrants.
TANGATA WHENUA.
Very interesting. I am Indian male, residing in US for almost 9 years. I guess it is easy for Americans to see our biases as we can see their. No surprise, we come from two sides of the world. Let me try.
Let us start with implants - does it show something to be ashamed of about yourself? Well we do not label it racist(although some races are more endowed, I personally like real ones and any size as long as it is natural.).
Wait, wait I am not done. I hear - white men can't dance. Was that racist?
Gee - I am down to attacking here. Let me put it differently. A guy from Kentucky showes up on your door with Jehovah's Witness books. He is doing a good job. Right? Well an Indian shows up with a touch of astrology, it is distasteful at the best and you felt you did not criticize him.
Alright let us try something more soothing. Guy refuses to eat pork and beef and he is labeled conservative Hindu. Would you eat stuff they eat in China or in Korea or in inner Kalahari? Ah - that is not right. Who is biased now?
Indians don't prefer to mingle with non-Indians. Well, how many times did you allow him to mingle? It is easy for you to talk ill of India and Indians and label them, it is hard for you to take their statements in same way. You need help!
Alright that was for people who were racist, now for people who are not. If you are interested in Indian psyche, more than anything else, this will help you best. Although we do not go to Temple regularly, we are still touched by faith, use any word, your expression of almighty and tell your guy that you feel it is not yesterday or day before, but you feel you know him since at least last life (do not use numbers, it will limit your expression). Or try some Indian food and please please please do not mix milk product with meat product. Try to show you know more ‘Indianness’ than the guy. (I am Indian male and I loved it when an American girl told me not to do so). Then wishing on Indian festival and participating in Indian dance. We do not play garba, and I never did it before I met my girl. Just for her, I got new Indian dress and purchased tickets for garba in NJ. She was looking gorgeous. Next when an Indian guy says you look nice - he means you look hot. We are told nice girls and hot don't go together in one expression. So trust me he is being respectful. Then try some Indian dress on occasions, like my girl was dressed in lahanga-choli, which was surprise for me - as I don't know who helped her with colors and dress up. It was for marriage of an Indian friend with a girl from West Indies. Damn tanned, no color bias, guy loves her. Co-incidentally she is of Indian origin, if that matters. You know what? Everyone just talked about two of us and she was asked several times if her dad is from India? Well to most of you, it will sound degrading, but I asked my girl on way back if she felt same. She said – they probably felt that she was like one. It makes me sure of our relationship being on right track.
To me, I feel marriage is long term commitment. Perhaps goes from one life to another. (yes yes we believe in being born again and we do NOT think it). Unless that is true and unless you understand it how can you be my soul mate?
So far, my girl has learnt to keep her lips together when watching Indian soap operas. (surprisingly SHE watches them to learn culture and we pay $19.95 for Indian show for her. I sometimes help her understand it and pick good shows). She cannot speak Hindi but can read in Hinglish and tries to make sense out of it, sometimes pretty bizarre. I do not think I will ever have issue with her staying in India or in US or Timbaktu for that matter.
On financial side, she was surprised to see how easily we talk of money. Just to let you know we talk about money with same ease with kids as you talk of sex and sex is just same as you were to talk about money. (see gap again). She was pretty shocked to see when I told her of my accounts and gave her a card to use. She was pretty careful initially not to use it and one day she said – I do not want a sugar daddy. Well I told her, after marriage you will have all access to all money in home, would you still call me a sugar daddy? She had a hard time trusting me with her money though.
So in a nutshell, when you cross boundaries, you need to be ready for change in life style. You need to imbibe what you like and reject what you don’t. If you fit, relationship will work, if you don’t it won’t.
It could have been other way for us. If I were to be like how Americans grow up, change my values and habits, but then I would be hitting on girls as easily (pun intended, no hard feeling). So we chose what would be best for us, she has walked an extra mile and she is goddess of my life. Do not expect to be a goddess without doing your chores, no matter which culture you wish to move into. And trust me if guy is not having any value, he will not value you either. Enough for tonight, I got to go, my baby is waiting for me for dinner.(another good point ladies) . So I will wind up now.
I know there are typos and my typical Indian expressions, but my girl says it is soothing to her ears, I do not care if you think otherwise. So I will not bother to fix it.
Well I thought it will be nice to give my name, when asked with so much polity.
Some wise Indian men & women told us about how waves of different colonisers raped & pillaged India. These invaders meant that white skin became linked in the minds of older Indian people with power, hence the multitudes of advertisements in the newspapers for fair skinned brides. Capitalist manufacturers have cashed in on this colonised mind-set and made a mint out of selling skin whitening creams.
I now understand why a Hindu man in his 40's does not like brown/native peoples. This middle aged bachelor seeks a white-only bride here in my country, he disregards the rights of oppressed First Peoples in our own lands.
As a brown indigenous woman, struggling against colonial imperialism in my own native lands, I find his racism against brown people and disrespect for Indigenous women in our own country, something of a betrayal.
Thankfully the younger Indian people do not share such outdated brainwashed mentality. As fellow colonised peoples we can learn a lot from nations who have maintained your own languages and resisted imperialism in your own country.
Young Indians, are welcome to support our battles against occupying colonial invading forces, white settler squaters and their gorai.
TANGATA WHENUA
Tangata Whenua,
Once every few weeks, you post comments about this Indian guy in his 40s who wronged you (or someone you know), about colonialism and imperialism, brown-skin and fair-skin, mummy's boys, etc. By now, you must have posted over a dozen comments on this blog about this one guy, repeating the same points.
I'm sorry that you (or someone you know) had this bad experience with an Indian guy. By now, you have clearly stated your point here. You should really forget him and move on. I request that you not repeat the same points over and over on this blog in various comments. If you want to say something new on this blog, you are always most welcome to. I hope you understand.
LL
I am enjoying this and other blogs about Indian men, inter-racial dating and so on. In particular I have appreciated the reasoned discussions and input on the associated blogs and replies from Indian women.
I have been doing a paper on immigration, "whiteness", power and cross-cultural relationships and appreciate the various replies/anecdotes.
Thank you.
Please continue your blogs.
BTW: Middle aged free-wheeling bachelors should surely come to the attention of immigration authorities?
Daughter won't date a Hindu now, he's put her off that. He preyed on her vulnerabilities and good nature to use her; boasting as he did how our culture made us big-hearted/kind (AKA: fools) race of people. He had pursued her sister, female cousins and girlfriends while he was sponging off my girl. Having sexually harassed her repeatedly, manipulated and used her, when the slimey two-bit liar got citizenship, he discarded her; said she wasn't his soulmate. He moved to the USA, where he always wanted to be but couldn't without our passport. The man has no social conscience or ethics. I would've preferred she was friends with a Muslim man of honorable intentions and values, rather than that sleazy and fake "platonic friend".
I hope Blogs like this continue as they offer a valuable forum for the exchange of ideas, information and communication. LL has done a lot to get this site up and running to answer questions and concerns and to promote shared understanding.
Yet I note there's been a degree of talking past each other on this site. Could it be, when people repeat themselves, they felt perhaps they haven't been heard?
LL you have a nice way of handling people.
Just forget about the middle aged has-beens. They're not good enough for the USA so back-door entry is their only hope. They shouldn't be taking advantage of the kindnesses of downtrodden women - much less in their own stolen and sacred lands. Pretty soon immigration authorities will have to tighten up.
BTW: enjoying this and other blogs about inter-racial dating. I also look forward to the other blogs with posts from Indian women.
putiputi / pia / mofo / Tara,
I have reason to believe that the comments under all these names are from the same person named TANGATA WHENUA to whom I addressed my last comment above.
Please. I asked you politely in my previous comment to stop saying the same things over and over again. Repeating the same things ad nauseum does not help the discussion here. If you don't stop, I will start deleting your comments.
Don't think that if you use different names to comment, I can't recognize you. You say the same things over and over again. It is easy to spot the common thread in your comments. I also have other ways of knowing these comments come from the same person. I like to be nice to people, but you are giving me no choice.
LL
Awww... Don't give up your blog LL, you still have a nice way of answering people.
When I lived in Fiji during the 1970's things were just fine & I'd still like to personally go for a visit to India. I guess I have wanted to go ever since we saw the movie about the star-crossed lovers, Zara... From a tiny oceanic island, the large country, the multiplicity of cultures, religions, cuisines, clothing, and peoples, histories of India, what makes the people live and tick, stunned me. My killjoy friends deemed that Zara love-story movie nonsense and the Slumdog romance, to be offensive. I want to go so I can understand what the fuss in the Western World is all about and to understand my friends and relations a little better.
Speaking of understanding, seems to me TW’s problem isn’t with Indian men per see but instead the sorts of migrants accepted by your immigration authorities?
An educated professional Indian man within the context of the United States of America writes this blog. Right? LL’s clearly writing to the people there, in the American Diaspora, about the smart, hard working, professional, educated, good-earning Indian guys. In other words, LL’s peers. Fair comment?
Naturally other parts of the world where Indian guys go, would very definitely be somewhat different would they not? They would possibly focus on other entry criteria, have various cultural values and accept a different variety of migrant, not necessarily all the same educated, professional or techie kind of Indian man in the USA? Or within the American culture of dating - not your every-day common-garden eve-teaser variety. Right?
As for the eve teasing (new word to me) if I get sexual harassment we have laws to deter the offender. But in other countries it would be another situation in their cultures. I’m not sure how I’d handle that. Anyway I’m too old for all that dating ritual stuff. But I still want to visit India someday. That is my dream.
Merry Christmas!
Mrs Santa Claus
How do we know when an Indian man loves us/our girls or is just having a good time with someone who is in his mind simply a temporary companion? After the sobering posts on here by the jilted women, I am asking to see whether women are being used or not???
A man either looks at you as a TEMPORARY companion (such as a 'booty call,' 'good time girl,' or 'friend with benefits.' And, this may even be without you realizing it!) Or, he'll be looking at you as a permanent girlfriend whom he's truly devoted to. A man who's using you is not ever thinking about devoting himself to you wholeheartedly - or having a real relationship with you. He's simply looking for a brief fling where he can take advantage of you. You're just a convenience. That's how someone else worded it and how I understand it anyway.
So forgive my curiosity but have any of you Western women ever been engaged to or married your Indian fellow? And are you still with him now? Would you? Could you? If not why not? What I want to know about is longevity or are Indian men only a flash-in-the-pan until they get their own brides from home? Are women treated as mere servants? How long do the marriages last, if any? Much longer than the usual temporary marriages to fellow Westerners?
What about sexual contact? Are they in a hurry for intercourse ASAP? Or pressuring you? Do they want it on the first date?
Forgive the questions overload.
In my country (USA) Indian men that have been here for a while are decent lovers. I have a child with one. We have been living together 5 years-but we are not married.. However, said Indian man has been violent with me before-ie I got a black eye a few months ago. He likes to mentally abuse me. Other than that one a-hole, I find Indian guys to be good lovers-as I have said. However... as far as life partners go, I think that will never happen. They make horrible long term companions, they would never marry a white woman, and they can be abusive. They are good for a short term relationship-2 years max. That is just my general opinion. An Indian man will never respect me, and will just see me as too old (I am 27 now) and too used up (because I have a child) to be worth spending their lives with. I guess that is just my fate.
Ciao.
PS: The bottom line? It takes a rare Indian guy to be in a happy life partnership with a Non Indian woman. If you want a good short term experience with someone sexy and intelligent-the Indian male lover is for you. Just do not expect a happily ever after from it.
Secret Diary,
After all these months and years, after all these comments on these posts about dating Indian men, someone has finally spoken the bottomline truth: Indian men are better suited for short-term loving relationships with women who are too different from them. This is true of Indian women also - they too don't find it easy to make a life with someone who is too different from them and their families.
It doesn't take much to have a short love affair. Those are relatively easy. But a stable, long-term relationship requires a lot. Indians still value long-term relationships and families. So, they are very careful about whom they get into a long-term contract with. We do not have the stomach for uncertainty and risk in relationships; something that seems to come easily for most Westerners. Something that also leads to many failed marriages.
Sorry to hear that your Indian boyfriend has been physically abusive. I hope you don't think that Indians in general are like that. Most young Indian men are really nice and caring with women.
If you can get Indians, both men and women, to give up their inhibitions and open their hearts and minds, they make really good, caring, dependable, romantic, intelligent, passionate, almost idealistic lovers.
Thanks for stopping by this blog.
LL
THANK you Secret Diary! I'm SO sorry for your experiences, the violence and abandonment wrenches my gut. I'd have hoped your YOUNG generation were spared that old-time mis-treatment. Abuse truly is from such an outdated mentality don't you thing?
I hope you have family and friends to sustain you through all that you face as a single mother and with mixed race kiddies.
I do thank you both for your insightful replies.
As a mother & a grand mother I truly am interested and concerned as we move more & more into a global world. I have as a result of this global village, a couple of half-caste Indian nieces & nephews. Yes Diary, their dads like your child's also flew the coop. Having absconded, the poor kids are missing out. They've been left in the lurch.
But then I also have 1/2 caste cousins, some still have their dads with them. So it's all on & hard to know what.
Risk & indeed LL, uncertainty seems par for the course in todays global community. So to tell you the truth, I am afraid. I only want the best for our families, no matter what cultures they engage in.
Once again, thank you both & Diary I hope you hang around some more. I wished the younger generation had got past what you've been put through.
Thanks again & have a hug girl!
Hey sweetie, thank you for your replies Secret Diary. I too have very little to add, suffice to say have another hug from me!
Thanks from me too Secret Diary and I am also sorry for your experiences and that of your 1/2 caste child. Good to know they're not keepers 'cause it saves a lot of heartbreak and tears.
We have 1/2-caste children who're called, "CURRY MUNCHERS!" in the school yard but no daddy's arms to defend and comfort them when they return home to a non-Indian mother.
Are all the proclamations of love lies? If so cut the damn thing off right away!
As the French say; the pleasure of loves lasts but a moment, the pain for a life-time (or two, or three depending on how many kiddies). How cruel is that?
Another couple of questions please if I may. If Indians do not have the stomach for uncertainty and risk in relationships, then why are Indian men so unreliable and only last 2 years max with a Westie woman? Surely if they want to avoid the instability then why bother?
I've seen that compared to Indian conventions, women in the West appear to be easy. I get how platonic relationships between the sexes aren't the done thing in India. And I appreciate that Indians have traditionally done the arranged relationships so understand they may not have to try to win or work on relationships.
What I don't understand is when a lady says "No" or "sorry not interested", how it's not accepted. It's as if there's something wrong with our girls if they don't want to go out with them. Why do our girls have to be told what/who's good/best for them, or how to choose? Why do Indian men get so upset and/or nasty when told, (no matter how politely) girls don't want to date them.
Some silly men believe women have less than half a brain.
Are Indian men generally male chauvinists? Or is that just the men I've met and only an outdated stereo-type or myth?
What I understand is the better educated tech boys flock to the USA for the better work opportunities and bigger pay. And this blog is about those better off tech boys in the USA, not the riff-raff. Perhaps they're not as draconian & old-fashioned as the male chauvinists that have to go elsewhere.
The sexism you ask about, occurs in countries where women have 2nd class status, are paid less for the same amount of work, where baby girls are given up for adoption or downed, where women are not allowed to work or be hired/promoted over a man, where women get sexually harassed so they have to create single sex public train carts, where girls can't go to school past a certain age, whee women just earned the right to vote. As long as women are not viewed as equal to men, they won't be treated with respect. Is it true, women's 2nd class status is institutionalized through the inheritance law in India? If so that would explain a lot.
At the risk of upsetting some ego I accept everyone has his or her faults. Bearing that in mind I'd tolerate the vanity and the male paternalism, sexist gender roles, in compromise, if I were treated right. But not if it’s one-sided.
If I have to go out to work full time to support the family then after a hard day's slog, be expected to don an apron, wait on the man, do all the household chores and domestic duties while he puts his feet up, then I’m better off without a male.
Running a household is a full-time occupation without help. After a hard day earning the money to pay the bills, there's no way I could manage being free maid, cook and expected to be the submissive woman, then romantic in the bedroom as well.
Sometimes women earn more than men if not just as much. So why aren't a woman's achievements taken seriously as a man's? It's not like we've all had our daddies and men's dollars to shelter and protect us through our education and life. Many of us had to do our own college/university education on our own, while fending for our selves, no cooked meals and mommy waiting for us with the pipe and slipper routine. When in Rome, do as the Romans do, so why come to the West if you expect to patronize women?
In my experience not all males exported from India are the well-paid professional IT or medical men, described above. Some are actually low to average income men so the wives go out to work as well in order to make ends meet. If sexists want to have their cake and eat it too, then why should it be at the woman's expense?
And what about the dowry system? Is it expected a man can move into a woman's home and act like Lord of the Manor and usurp everything as though by divine right? You’re not in India now. Or am I talking about a particular class and generational type that take women for granted? The less well educated perhaps?
What’s with the double standards? How is it a male can boast being a BIG man for taking advantage of a woman if indeed she is such a slut and unworthy as he deems??? Anyway how can an “easy” woman (“whore”) be such a huge ego trip conquest? (It just makes us wary of dating Indian men).
Maybe I’m not talking about the smart, well-educated good earning Libran Lovers of the world, however Indian men are known for being male chauvinists. Is the sexism class based? Only occur in the lower class? Older males? Is chauvinism caste oriented? How about religious?
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