Monday, November 22, 2004

Coping with love loss

Posted on November 22, 2004 15:16 PM EST

Coping with love loss (not in any particular order):

I wrote this months ago, responding to somebody on Sulekha Coffeehouse who was going through a love loss. This will work even for others who have not really lost love, but just want to be momentarily distracted from the aches and pains that love brings at times. I was responding to a female poster, so this list is oriented that way. If you are male, I am sure you can customize it to suit your particlar preferences.

Good luck! May you get the peace and love you desire and deserve. Here's the list:

1. Give in to the emotions. Scream, cry, moan, rant. Feel the emotions run through you. Don't resist emotions. Emotion = energy in motion. Moving energy = healthy energy.

2. Listen to the countless sad songs from Indian movies - old to new.

3. Take the opportunity to pamper yourself with an expensive gift - something you have wanted for a long time, but did not dare spend so much on.

4. Go to parties. Throw a party yourself.

5. Get slammed with alcohol, grass. Do it with close friends. Have a great time laughing silly, crying silly, bad-mouthing him silly, throwing up silly, hangingover silly. Please don't drink and drive, though.

6. Get great books and movies. Everytime you find yourself thinking of him... pull up the book or movie to immerse yourself into it.

7. Go on a road trip, package tour, long hike.

8. Wander aimlessly around town - walking or driving.

9. Have a whirlwind affair or two. Just be careful not to break your heart again during this affair or break somebody else's heart. You would be surprised what magic the attentions of a new person can do to your mood and ego.

10. Have a ton of chocolates of different type deposited all around the house. Eat them whenever the blues strike. Just don't become a chocolate addict or become overweight.

11. If you are overweight use the anger and emotions to work out the weight. If you are underweight, use the chocolates and other rich food to put on some weight. If you are medium weight, go around showing it off in expensive, flattering clothes.

12. Write your love story in a journal, in a letter, as a "fictional" story.

13. Spend endless hours chatting online, telling your love story to anybody who will listen.

14. Pick a fight with online guys, then breakdown and tell them your sob story, allow them to comfort you.

15. Write blue poems.

16. Spend time with animals, children.

17. Get a new hair-style, get a manicure, get a pedicure, get a facial, get a long pampering massage.

18. Write letters to him. Don't send them to him. Tear them up and burn them. Or keep them for posterity.

19. Visit old friends and teachers and neighbors you have not seen in a long, long time.

20. Smile at strangers, talk to strangers - old, young, kids, all genders. You would be surprised how much power you have as a woman to make people feel good simply by smiling and talking to them. And their good feeling will not fail to flow back to you.

21. Cook up a storm. Try new recipes. Make paapads and sandige (in Kannada) / vattals (in Tamil) and pickles for the whole year. Make cookies for everyone you know. Make chaats for your family.

22. Be a total b1tch to anyone you come across until someone slaps you or you have had enough yourself.

23. Redecorate your house. Redo your garden.

24. Go window shopping.

25. Do volunteer work.

26. Visit old childhood haunts, or places you hung around with him.

27. Spend as much time with your family as possible. If you have pampering grandparents or uncles/aunts, take a vacation staying over with them.

28. Cry yourself off to sleep. But don't cry soon as you wake up.

29. If all of the above fails, talk to me. I am very empathic and understanding. I am good at helping people feel comforted and better. ;-)

30. Pay me for the last 45 minutes or so I spent typing out these suggestions at work! Pay me in cash or at least in smiles.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Flowers, insects and love

Posted on November 19, 2004 2:2 AM EST

The point is, what's so wonderful, is that everyone of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid looks exactly like a certain insect. So, the insect is drawn to this flower... it's double, it's soulmate... and wants nothing more than to make love to it. After the insect flies off, it spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. How could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? It does. By simply doing what they're designed to do something large and magnificent happens. In this sense, they show us how to live. How the only barometer you have is your heart. How when you spot your flower, you cannot let anything get in your way.

- John Laroche in movie Adaptation

Follow this link to read an interesting discussion of this quote on Sulekha Coffeehouse: Adaptation Quote Discussion

My final comments in the above discussion:

Looking at the responses on this thread, I have been surprised (and a little disappointed) at the narrow and literal interpretations. I am reminded of the time when I told my grandchildren that they should be like the bees. The young dears ran around the garden, from flower to flower, kissing them. I had to gather them and bring them back inside to tell them that I really meant they should be hard working team players. The young dears who have responded to this thread seem to be showing-off that they are grown-up by talking of (in)fidelity and polyamory. Dear, dear! They have concluded that this message is about jumping from lover to lover.

Some alternative tracks for your train of thoughts:

1. When the insect leaves one flower and moves on to another flower, do you think it is still thinking of the previous flower in any manner or form? Or has it made a clean break from one flower and moved on to the next? If there is a clean break, how could it be polyamory, which by definition is having relationships with more than one person? So, may be the gist of this message is to make a clean break when a relationship ends and to be totally involved and devoted when a relationship is going.

2. The flowers are separated by distance and cannot really travel to one another. Yet, they manage to establish a connection, to share something special, to love, to mate and to help the "world live". They accomplish this without even leaving their places. Is that possible for our hearts? Can we love despite being separated by distances of any kind (geographic, mental, etc.)?

3. It is the natural way of the insects to fly from flower to flower. The insect can't just spend its whole life on one flower or die after "making love" to one flower. The insect is being perfectly true to its nature in what it does, in the way it lives and loves. So, if this message tells us we should love like the flowers and the insects, perhaps it is telling us to love in way that is true to our nature. And not encouraging us to fly from one flower to another (unless that is our true nature).

4. Although the message says the insect and the flower are soul-mates and the insect makes love to the flower, is this really the case? The true mating happens between the flowers and the insect is only a messenger. So, the true lovers are the flowers.

5. The insect is not consciously helping the flowers mate. The insect goes from flower to flower for its own purposes, perhaps for its own mates. So, the insects are also true lovers too.

6. Perhaps that is gist of the message. That the insects, the flowers, everyone are true lovers who make the "world live" by living and loving as per their true nature.

7. There is no need to really speculate or think too much. The central point of the message is in the message itself: the only barometer you have is your heart. when you spot your flower, you cannot let anything get in your way.

PS: When I heard those lines in the movie Adaptation, I did not even think of polyamory or the fleeting nature of love (the insect flies from flower to flower). The thought that first came to me and stayed was that we are all lovers - flowers, insects, all - and by loving in a way that is true to our nature, we make the world live. Feels good to know I have not lost the innocence and idealism of love. :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Literal Interpretation of Spiritual Scriptures

Posted on November 16, 2004 18:8 PM EST

Spiritual scriptures are mostly about spirit, about the soul, about the non-physical aspects of God/dess. They are less about the physical world and its workings. The scriptures talk of the physical world and its workings only in the context of spirituality. For example, they may not contain descriptions of how an electric motor works. But they may describe what effect the consumption of certain physical foods might have on the physical body, and in turn on the subtle bodies, and how these influence the spiritual progress of a person.

When the scriptures are more about spirit, the interpretation should be partial to the spirit of what is being said. Not the literal meaning.

Most organized religions make the mistake of interpreting things literally. Even people who are supposed to be wise and intelligent make this mistake. Consequently, they miss the experience of the divine forest, becoming overly involved with individual trees. Often, they are not even involved with something as big as a tree, it is the trivial distractions of a tiny blade of grass or a thorn that takes up all the energy and concentration.

Consequently, the message of the scriptures become divisive instead of uniting forces, at all levels - personal, relationships, social, national, international. Personal growth is sacrificed, love is lost, society is divided, nations are weakened and they go to war. This makes no sense. This is not the way of smart, evolved people. It is like burning the forest just because a thorn pricked us.

It is in the nature of the forest to have thorns. Let us thread carefully with open eyes. It is in the nature of the spiritual world to have different interpretions, many of which may seem contradictory. Let us not allow them to confound and blind us. Let us keep open minds and open hearts. Let us live and grow in love and ananda.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Wet Deepavali with the Wife

Posted on November 12, 2004 20:25 PM EST

Continued from this one: Grilled Veggie Burrito

The weather was absolutely gorgeous as I walked through Downtown Phoenix, on the way to Baja Fresh. It was the kind of weather that makes me sing Ghanan Ghanan. (Listening to it now).

These cloudy days are so rare in Phoenix. Today it was totally cloudy. It was neele megh shaam (not Shyam! :)). Like a romantic Deepavali evening should be. I found myself wishing even more that the gf was with me. Since there is no gf, I call a friend who is a girl. During times like these she pings me on Yahoo and leaves the message: "Hey, baahar dekha? Mausam bahut shaayaraana hai". She has just woken up from a siesta and when I tell her that I called because the weather is so beautiful outside, she laughs and says, "Paagal ho!" The whole world knows that by now.

Grilled veggie burrito was yummy. The marinated peppers and Cholula sauce were yummier. I had taken a book with me to read while eating, but I did not feel like reading. Just wanted to enjoy the food and the atmosphere and my thoughts. I look at myself in the mirror while eating and wipe the burrito-juice from the end of my moustache. I did not feel like washing my hair this morning, instead I oiled it. With the oiled hair and thick fleece lumber-jack shirt, I look like a red-neck from India. Damn! That means, I have to go home, shave, shower and change before going to the friend's house this evening where I am invited for Deepavali dinner. I hope we get to play Uno there.

By the time I finish lunch and walk out with the glass of water-with-ice-and-lemon-slice, it has started raining. I step out right into the rain. I love walking in the rain. I love the feel of cold rain drops on my face. They are like countless tiny wet kisses from the rain goddess. Rain drops fall in my glass of water. I find myself thinking of the gf again. Only now, she has become my wife. Wishing I was not walking back to work. Wishing I was going back home, to my wife who is clean and dressed and smelling good and ready to do Lakshmi puja. She'd help dry my head with a towel (when my mom tried drying my hair as a kid, I always got irritated and pushed her hands away). After I am washed and changed and ready, we'd worship the goddess praying her to keep us on the path of Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha, praying that we are always content and happy together in our life. Then we would have a quick snack and go out for a drive in the rain. We'd stop at some place in the open desert, step out of the car and enjoy the rain. I'd lean her against the car and kiss her and we'd come back home...

By now I have reached my office and proceed to type out this blog. One more last report to run, print and I will be out of here.

Happy Deepavali to all!

Grilled Veggie Burrito

Posted on November 12, 2004 19:9 PM EST

It's 4:46 PM and I have not had lunch yet. I had a late breakfast and waited for hunger to kick in... and generally procrastinated. Now I am raging hungry. And wish I had a gf who was here. No, you are not misreading. I typed hungry and not horny, yet want the gf here. No idea why! The hunger must be messing with my brain.

I am gonna go have the grilled veggie burrito from Baja Fresh. There is a fancy Mexican restaurant here, closer to where I work. For the same price or may be a few cents lesser, I can get a veggie burrito served to me at this restaurant, unlike the self-service Baja Fresh. Yet, I will go to Baja which is at least 10-15 times farther. I like the burrito there. I also like their salsa. And they have hot Mexican sauces (Cholula and La Victoria, I think) which this fancy restaurant doesn't have. I also like their marinated peppers. Yes, I know, I like it hot and spicy!

Gosh, just thinking about the food makes me drool. If I don't go soon I will start moaning with hunger. BRB!

Continued here: Wet Deepavali with the Wife